Monday, December 31, 2007

Top Ten Most Memorable Moments of 2007

10. Platonic Ex and I broke up.
9. I started this blog.
8. I donated 10 inches of my hair.
7. I started hooking up with TheGuy. It came as a total surprise but a welcome one at the time.
6. I met one of my best friends, GC. No one makes me laugh harder than she does and I can't picture my life without her!
5. I got my kitty, Marley.
4. I ran Twin Cities marathon. It was amazing and everything I'd hoped it'd be.
3. The only ex-boyfriend I truly cared about got married.
2. I went to Vegas for the first time.
1. I started dating TheGuy. I'd be lying if I said I weren't terrified.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Point of No Return

In my last post, I shared what I could remember from Friday night. Here is what I do not recall...

While GC and I were drinking our chocolate martinis, I texted TheGuy and asked him to pick me up. He arrived promptly at 12:30 (this is where things begin to get a bit fuzzy). He stopped outside the bar, but then GC and I were really loud and slow to get in the car. Meanwhile a cop pulled up behind us and yelled at us over his intercom.

Even though we were only going several blocks away, I gave TheGuy horrible directions to GC's car. Then she decided to meet up with some people at a club so we dropped her off there. This is where the point of no recollection whatsoever begins.

I told TheGuy I wanted to go to Santana's for greasy drunk food. I bitched about how cold it was the entire twenty yards from the car to the place. Once we got inside, I decided I no longer wanted food. So we left.

We came back to my place and he tried to put on a DVD, but I flat-out refused to perform the three complex steps required: 1.) Put the TV on channel 3 2.) Push DVD button 3.) Push power button.

At one o'clock, without saying a word, I got up and went into my bedroom. At 1:02, I hurriedly opened my door and rushed into the bathroom. To puke. In the meantime, TheGuy cranked up the volume on the TV. I later emerged from the bathroom and headed straight back to bed. TheGuy waited twenty minutes to make sure I wasn't dead. When he heard me breathing, he left a note and made the wise decision to get the hell out of there.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Leather Coats with the Fur

I hang out with some hard-core drinkers (it's a requirement for being my friend). Get one or two drinks in me and I fail to remember this very important tidbit. Instead of drinking twice as slowly, I feel the need to keep up with them. A total of three hours elapsed last night and I had had 4 Captain Cokes, 1/2 of some fruity shot, 1/2 a watermelon shot, two glasses of wine and a chocolate martini. I was done for.

Another requirement for being my friend is your ability to make fun of complete strangers. At The Drink, there were two older gentlemen on the dance floor. Both were equally terrible dancers, but that didn't stop them from trying! If their thinning hair didn't give them away, their clothes sure did. I almost died laughing when C-Sharp said, "Those dudes are wearing Wilson's Leather jackets circa 1990." That just may be the funniest quote of 2007. The older of the two men actually had fur trim around the collar of his coat. Bad dancers makes for great entertainment!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Glimmer of Nostalgia

It's been a year since Platonic Ex moved out, but his presence lives on. Last weekend I needed to make room for some new wine glasses and margarita glasses. When I opened my cupboard, I realized two whole shelves were being used for all Platonic Ex's old coffee mugs and shot glasses. Most visibly, the black Urban Traveler mug from where he worked in high school, and a white mug with silver writing of the company he worked for after college. Among them were stolen glasses from the bars we frequented in college, serving as memorabilia. A dozen plastic cups from Twins games and Gopher games were neatly stacked in two piles -- a constant reminder of sitting around playing P & A as we drank out of those gigantic cups that seemed to tip at a moment's notice. Shot glasses from his spring break trip to Mexico were mixed in with shot glasses I'd collected from various trips over the years.

As I sent the glassware hurling down the trash chute, I couldn't help but feel I was discarding a handful of memories as well. I may not always speak highly of Platonic Ex, but just because we didn't work as a couple doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the time we spent together. A year ago, I wanted nothing more than for all reminders of him to fade away. Now I feel myself clinging to the few remaining fond memories...

Thursday, December 27, 2007


As I've said before, I get my dating advice from 16-year-olds on MTV (mindless television). Last night on Newport Harbor, Chrissy's dad asked Chase and Kylie if their relationship was casual or serious. Chrissy takes it upon herself to chime in with, "They're tweeners." Apparently, "tweeners" refers to couples who find themselves in-between the casual and serious stage. By this logic, TheGuy and I would be "tweeners." We're more than casual but we're not really serious. We've established the "no hooking up with others" clause, but on an emotional level, we've got some distance.

My question is this: in your upper 20's, what does a "serious relationship" mean? Monogamy? Building toward a future together? I suppose it means both. As you get older, dating expectations change. Marriage and babies enter the picture. If it's not in the back of your mind, it's in the back of the minds of those around you. You're "supposed" to get married. It's what you do; an adulthood ritual.

At 27, the word "relationship" is intimidating. Remember back when you're biggest fear was having your crush's mom pick up the phone when you called his/her house? This is not junior high. You can't send your friend to dump your bf/gf at the drinking fountain between third and fourth period. The stakes are raised; there's a lot more to gain, and subsequently, a lot more to lose.

By now you've had your heart broken or broken the heart of someone else. With some experience under your belt, you've figured out what you want/don't want in a significant other. But it's never any easier. It just means you're better equipped to eliminate the players/gays/losers, or what have you. It fails, however, to nullify the fact you take a giant leap of faith every time you settle into a new relationship. The risk is incalculable when you make the conscientious decision to put your complete and total trust in another person.

Monday, December 24, 2007

The Eve of Christmas

Last night TheGuy and I got a bite to eat and then went to see Charlie Wilson's War. After reading rave reviews, we had high hopes. To our dismay, we were both of the opinion it was "only okay." It was worth seeing, but it was sort of a letdown. There were five movies we both wanted to see so we really struggled to narrow it down. Given time factors, it came down to Charlie Wilson and Juno, so of course now I wish we would've chosen the latter. Oh well, there's always next time.

I love the movies. Before TheGuy and I started going on actual dates, I was often depressed about the fact I no longer had a movie buddy (Platonic Ex and I saw TONS of movies). I have a few girl friends I go see movies with on occasion, but I like serious, depressing movies which usually aren't at the top of their lists. I've come to realize it's important to me that I date someone who enjoys going to movies and that we share similar taste in films.

Also of note, we saw a preview for the Sex & the City movie. I just don't have a good feeling about it. I know I won't be able to resist seeing it when it comes out, but I'm of the belief it's going to suck.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Wedding Day Jitters

Part I - December 6th, 2007

This was a draft I saved from the 6th that I never posted. Note: before the big blow up.

The RSVP for my friend's wedding hangs on my fridge, staring blankly, as if mocking my love life. Should I bring TheGuy as my date? Mind you, it's sort of a big decision given I'm in the wedding and both Platonic Ex and my parents will be in attendance.

It never used to be this hard. In the past, I was clear. From the beginning, I made a point to ask future boyfriends exactly where we stood. Why waste time? I distinctly remember each and every one of those conversations -- the way I practiced beforehand, dramatizing every possible outcome and perfecting the appropriate response accordingly. As much as I dreaded those awkward discussions, I told myself it was a MUST.

What's so different this time?? Is my hesitation an indicator that it's not right? Or maybe I'd feel differently if he didn't seem content with the way things are now. It's maddening that I don't have answers. Don't even get me started on my own feelings because I don't know...

Part II - December 20th, 2007

The variables:

1.) Pseudo Dating
We've established we're dating and have agreed not to see other people. But it's not serious. Translation: If either of us happens to meet someone else, we're obligated to tell the other, but jealousy and bitterness should be kept to a minimum since we share this mutual understanding. Could there be a more perfect equation for disaster? I think not.

2.) Platonic Ex
He'll be in attendance sans chubby gf. I don't think he'll cause a scene if I bring a date, but you never know. He can be unpredictable especially when alcohol is involved. Several months ago, we were talking on the phone, both intoxicated, when the subject of me making out with other guys arose. I admitted to making out with one guy in the 7 months since our split. He got pissed, saying, "Okay, I really didn't need to know that." He'd told me all the details of his love life so I figured it was fine. Having never mentioned the situation with TheGuy, he continued, "Who is this guy? Do I need to know? I'll punch him in the face." I know that sounds pretty bad, but I'm 99% sure it was the booze talking. He's got too much pride to hit my pseudo bf. However, in the off-chance Platonic Ex goes Jerry Springer on TheGuy's ass, I'll forever feel guilty.

3.) My mother
Both my parents will be there. My mom is a concern. She means well, but she doesn't realize the things she says and does are offensive and hurtful. And she drinks too much. More often than not, the combination of the two makes for an awkward, humiliating experience. A couple years ago, I went to a college friend's wedding, making the mistake of taking my mom. In talking to one of my former college roommates, my mom made a snide remark about the bridesmaids being the size of elephants, mimicking them as she puffed out her cheeks like a chipmunk and positioned her arms like an orangutan. The "elephants" just so happen to be three of my old roommate's really close friends.

In the end, I decided I would rather have TheGuy there than not have him there. Though I did my best to forewarn him that my ex and parents would be present so I would completely understand if he didn't wanna go, all he said was, "Why would I feel uncomfortable?"

I have yet to tell my mom either guys will be at the wedding simply because I cringe at the thought of what she might say or do. She'll most definitely grill Platonic Ex as to why we broke up and ask TheGuy a million questions, pausing only to breathe, sip her scotch, and share my most embarrassing stories. January 5th shall be interesting...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's a Bonus

My brother, who lives at home, just got a new place but hasn't fully moved in yet.

I just had the funniest phone conversation with my mom.

Mom: I think your brother is using his new apartment as a bachelor pad.

Me: Huh?

Mom: Last night he said he was going there to sleep and he's not back yet so I think his girlfriend is in town.

Me: You know, that's not his "girlfriend."

Mom: Yes it is.

Me: No, it's not.

Mom: She's slept over here several times.

Me: I know. It's still not his girlfriend.

Mom: Then what are they? Friends with benefits?

Me: Something like that.

Mom: I don't get what "friends with benefits" means.

Me: It means there's no commitment.

Mom: So there's just benefits?

Me: Well, you're friends too, so it's a bonus.

Mom: [laughs] A bonus? I wish they had that in my day.

Mom: So there is an oral agreement?

Me: Maybe, it depends what you've talked about.

Mom: But if you sleep over, then how does that not make you someone's gf/bf?

Me: That rule no longer applies.

Mom: OH! I get it. I wouldn't know how to date these days.

Me: No, you wouldn't.

Mom: So how do you pay for things?

Me: With money?

Mom: Do you go dutch?

Me: [laughs] I don't know, Mom.

Mom: You need to write a tongue-in-cheek book on dating. But you'll need to find your funny bone first.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Eat, Sleep, Drink, Play

Not necessarily in that order.

Hey peoples. Stats have been up -- I s'pose a trip to Sin City has nothing to do with that. I arrived at work Monday morning only to be hounded by co-workers. One by one, they entered my cube, occupying the spare chair in the corner and took turns cross-examining me. "So..." they'd each say with a knowing look, "what'd you do in Vegas?" Sorry to disappoint that I didn't come back a convicted felon or married or pregnant (that I know of).

1.) We stayed at the Bellagio.
It was really nice but imagine our surprise when we opened our mini-bar to find a half-eaten Snickers. The first cleaning person we told said, "Don't worry about it." When we called the front desk, they laughed and said, "That's disgusting." Finally, we told another cleaning woman who did nothing until we asked her to remove it from the fridge. When I told TheGuy about the Snickers, he said, "Why didn't you just throw it away?" Apparently, we were the only ones who thought it wasn't our responsibility!

2.) We didn't gamble. Not a single penny.

3.) We went to a club called Asia.
With no plan, we basically closed our eyes and randomly selected the first destination from a directory in the Miracle Mile mall. When we first walked up, we were hurriedly greeted by a gentleman in a suit welcoming us and personally escorting us to the front of the line. Had we not been rushed in, we surely would have turned and walked the other way. To say the least, this certainly wasn't the classiest place in Vegas. Ghetto is what comes to mind. After the bouncer checked our purses at the door, we ordered a drink at the bar and took a seat near the dance floor. The scene was something like this: black chicks in booty shorts gyrating on the speakers, and one lone white guy with no rhythm sidling from girl-to-girl in a trainwreck of attempts. Points for persistence though.

4.) We went to Pure Nightclub.
Befriended the bouncers, partial to one named Odie. Or so his nametag said. Much to our dismay, he informed us Pure would be shut down Saturday night because Celine Dion ruins everything. As alternatives, he told us to check out Drai's, LAX, and Tryst.

5.) We went to Drai's.
Danced into the wee hours -- the place stays open until noon!

6.) Stumbled into bed around 6:30 AM.
Slept 'til 3 PM, failed to see the light of day.

7.) 3 PM - 9PM: Food, wine, and bad TV.

8.) We saw Thunder From Down Under.
Hysterical. Loved it. No one enjoyed it quite as much as the middle-aged women at the center table. After the show, you're given the opportunity for a photo-op. Hottest Body was in charge of collecting the money while Hottest Guy was snapping photos so we politely requested HB and HG to be included in our picture, forcing two of the uglier guys to be switched out. At $20 a polaroid, I don't think it was too much to ask. I closed my eyes in two of the three pictures. I blame Rejected Guy for premature timing. I got a kiss on the cheek from Dave, a blonde dude with roots.

9.) We went to LAX the nightclub.
The place was packed. We wormed our way through a group of guys to a prime balcony spot that oversaw the entire club. I pissed off some guy by "stealing" his drink i.e., sucking it down real fast and handing it back to him empty, but I bought him another to make up for it.

10.) Made an attempt to go back to Drai's but gave up and called it a night. Around 6 AM.

One last thing I'll say is that I had such a great time with my college friends. I really miss the days of going out with them. This post really doesn't do the trip justice, but in the words of Deborah, "I ain't got no time!" Plus you know what they say, "what happens in Vegas..."

Bachelorette Party Part Deux this weekend. To be continued.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Do You Accept Cash?

Yes, I'm behind on posts. Apologies, I've had a lot going on and not enough time to blog!

GC, Lo, and myself went out to our favorite bar Friday night. Later on, we stumbled to the bar across the street to meet up with some friends of a friend. I bumped into one of TheGuy's high school friends so we caught up and I mentioned their upcoming Vegas trip for their friend's bachelor party. They will surely make our Vegas bachelorette party seem tame.

I was having fun at the bar but I couldn't ignore my growling tummy. Around 1:30 am, C-Sharp met up with us so I told him Lo and I needed replenishment. After saying goodbye to GC and friends, we stepped outside in the bitter cold. Seeing as how we were about ten minutes shy of bar close, no cabs were in the vicinity. Good thing C-Sharp is resourceful. He hailed a silver limo in our direction, saying to the driver, "Do you accept cash?" It was the first (and probably last) time I took a limo home from the bar. Knowing C-Sharp, he pre-paid the driver with a hondo to return and pick him up the following morning but the guy's business card got lost in my couch cushions along with all his loose change.

If I'm ever hired to teach non-native speakers the English language, day one will be spent perfecting the phrase "do you accept cash?"

I made the drunk dial to Pizza Lucé at 2:06 am. Pizza arrived 2:25 am. How did they even have time to cook the pizza? They must have magical ovens! Thank you Pizza Luce for your immediate response. And for your delicious garlic cheese bread. During the excruciating 19 minute wait, my coffee table turned stoner buffet was filled with tortilla chips, a giant bowl of salsa, cheese dip, and a freshly opened bag of kettle chips. Does life get any better than this? Oh yes, it does -- when you're in Vegas! Tomorrow at this time I'll be leaving on a jet plane!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

My Blog is Worth...

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

Any takers?

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Big Blow Up

You would think after nine years of friendship and nine months of spending a significant amount of time together, a grown 27 and 28 year old would be able to sit down and have a civil conversation regarding the status of their relationship. Not so much...

It was typical Thursday date night: TheGuy came over so we ordered food and watched some TV. While we were eating, he asked if his sister had called me that day concerning a potential job opportunity. "Well, she will be calling you soon. By the way, I told her we were just really good friends. I didn't elaborate beyond that," he said. That was a telling statement. Telling in that his sister only knew of me (we've never met) as his "really good friend" yet he felt the need to forewarn me of this title in case I spoke with her and mistakenly referred to her brother as "my boyfriend" or God only knows what else.

Then as he was getting ready to leave, he asked me a question that inadvertently led to the "define the relationship" discussion we'd successfully put off for as long as the average woman’s pregnancy. Forgive me for being vague here but you can't expect me to divulge ALL the details of my personal life. The raised question at hand was something to the effect of whether I'd been hooking up with other guys.

Confrontation is my biggest weakness. Though I had nothing to hide since I haven't even so much as made out with another guy (even if I had, it technically shouldn't have mattered), I felt as though he were accusing me of just that. He then backpedaled by adding, "Not that I would care if you were." Ouch. There was a red flag if I ever saw one.

That shut me up. I thought to myself, why should I defend myself? I've done nothing wrong here. Noting my discomfort, he said, "I feel like I made you defensive and that wasn't my intention." He went on to say he only brought it up because we'd never discussed what we were doing. But his idea of a “discussion” ended there.

I, on the other hand, was not about to let it go, knowing full well I wouldn't have the balls to bring it up at a later date. I said, "So it wouldn't bother you if I was hooking up with other guys?" I felt better the instant he admitted, "Well, yeah it would." But when I pressured him to discuss our relationship, he bolted for the door. Several times. The first time he tried to hug and say goodbye to me, I shrugged it off.

TheGuy: Now you're upset.

Me: Yeah I'm upset, I want you to stay here and talk to me.

TheGuy: It's late and this is going to end up being a long discussion so I'm going to go.

Me: Why would it be a long discussion?

TheGuy: It just would.

Me: It's pretty simple. It's not going to take that long.

TheGuy: It's already late, I just want to go.

Me: [standing between him and the door] Do you know how long this has been going on? Nine months!

TheGuy: Yeah, but it would have kind of weird if we had talked about it back then.

Me: What are we gonna do? Put it off another 3 months? Make it an even year?

TheGuy: I'll write you a long email about it tomorrow.

Me: Oh, yeah right. You're the one who said it should be a face-to-face conversation.

TheGuy: Ok, we'll talk about it this weekend then.

Me: [arms crossed, shaking head in disbelief]

TheGuy: I'm gonna go.

Me: If you leave right now, I'm gonna be so pissed at you.

TheGuy: [gives unreciprocated hug] Good night WTP. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Me: [turns and walks away]

How dare he bring it up and then walk out on me? In an infuriated rage, I texted him five minutes later and told him to tell his sister not to call me about the job. He texted back asking why but I ignored it. It certainly crossed my mind to write him off as my friend, but I’ve done that to friends in the past and I always end up regretting it. There are certain people in my life I know I could never stay mad at indefinitely and he is one of them.

I didn't believe him when he said he would email me the following day but that didn't stop me from psychotically checking my inbox every three and a half minutes. At 9:58 AM, I received what I’d been hoping for. He apologized for leaving, acknowledging it was unfair after he’d been the one to bring it up, but saying that he didn’t think it was going to be a short conversation since I was upset and that he’d found it was better not to have discussions like that when people are already upset. I was a little touched that he expressed concern I would never speak to him again or want to date him or even be his friend.

His email was quite long and got into some personal stuff, but he said if he had to label our relationship he would say we are “dating.” He went on to say that when he talks about me to other people he always refers to me as, “WTP, the girl I’m seeing.” It’s hard for me to picture him saying that. I just sort of assumed he failed to mention me to others or if there was a story that involved me, I figured he would simply call me his “friend” or perhaps his “friend from college.”

Most of my close friends know him and are familiar with the situation, but as far as other people are concerned, it never occurred to me to refer to him as more than a friend. Since we’d never had that talk before, I didn’t want to make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.’

So I don’t know, I skimmed over the heart of the email out of respect, but that’s where things stand. At least some questions have been answered. I haven't seen him since the near hostage situation, but he asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow. I can't help but feel it will either be terribly awkward or this will be a turning point. It certainly has been the slowest paced relationship of the century, but given the transition I went through over the last year, I’m okay with that. For the time being anyway. Who knows what lies ahead.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


Sorry in advance for the totally random post. I'm nonsensical today.

I don't know about you, but I get all my dating advice from The Hills.

In particular, I found Lauren and Audrina's conversation enlightening, as they reflected on Audrina's new man. Lauren recaps, "He returns your calls, which Justin didn't. He likes to kiss, which Justin didn't. He bathes, which Justin didn't. Upgrade!"

Yes, I believe it's safe to assume any guy who takes the time to wash himself on a regular basis is deemed an upgrade.

I went to the gym yesterday and did 5 miles. My pace was still slower than usual and I had to push through a few side aches, but it was a vast improvement over Monday's run. When I did sit-ups, hot personal trainer guy was positioned in my eye line, but he didn't look so hot close up. He's got sharp facial features which I'm not a fan of, but he still has perfect hair and a ripped upper body visible through his black t-shirt. Cute smile too.

I left the gym around 5:30. Two hours later, I arrived home. Traffic was insane with all the snow that's been dumped on us lately.

I know this may sound weird, but I'm not really into muscles (some exceptions apply, see above). In general, human bodies gross me out. I don't get turned on by a washboard stomach or firm buttocks. Of course, it doesn't hurt either, but body type isn't that big a deal to me. I've dated crack addict slim (Married Ex) to beefy butterball (MB). I don't even like my own body let alone someone else's so it caught me by surprise a couple weeks ago when TheGuy asked if I would ever get my belly button pierced.

I laughed and gave an affirmative, "No."

"Why not?" he asked. "You have your ears pierced and your tongue pierced."

"I don't like my stomach."

"What? You have a nice stomach."

Belly button piercings are attractive on tall, slender women. I don't qualify. I would never draw attention to the navel area unless you saw muscle and lots of it!

Deborah just came over to my cube and said, "When I sprayed my windshield wiper fluid this morning, it iced over my windshield and I couldn't see. I think the car dealership replaced it with water." I had to stop her from calling the dealership to complain and then explain to her that liquid freezes when it's cold. I said, "Did you use your defroster to melt the ice?" "No, I got mad so I just kept spraying more fluid."

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


After two weeks away from the gym, I returned last night. It was hell. I could only run at 6.0 on the treadmill, opposed to my average range of 6.5-6.7, and it was a challenge to complete 3 miles. Before my recent illness, I could effortlessly do 6 miles. Yesterday I felt fatigued and winded the entire time, contemplating whether I was doing too much too soon. If it hadn't been for the Thanksgiving break prior to the nine day bug, I would have been in much better shape. But no, I've got to accept it's gonna take some time to fully recuperate.

After the worst workout in history, I bought some new running shoes for a motivation boost. I also picked up a couple pairs of lycra warm-up pants to throw on over my shorts when I leave the gym. My old ones are looking mighty tattered and threadbare these days.