Wedding Day Jitters

Part I - December 6th, 2007

This was a draft I saved from the 6th that I never posted. Note: before the big blow up.

The RSVP for my friend's wedding hangs on my fridge, staring blankly, as if mocking my love life. Should I bring TheGuy as my date? Mind you, it's sort of a big decision given I'm in the wedding and both Platonic Ex and my parents will be in attendance.

It never used to be this hard. In the past, I was clear. From the beginning, I made a point to ask future boyfriends exactly where we stood. Why waste time? I distinctly remember each and every one of those conversations -- the way I practiced beforehand, dramatizing every possible outcome and perfecting the appropriate response accordingly. As much as I dreaded those awkward discussions, I told myself it was a MUST.

What's so different this time?? Is my hesitation an indicator that it's not right? Or maybe I'd feel differently if he didn't seem content with the way things are now. It's maddening that I don't have answers. Don't even get me started on my own feelings because I don't know...

Part II - December 20th, 2007

The variables:

1.) Pseudo Dating
We've established we're dating and have agreed not to see other people. But it's not serious. Translation: If either of us happens to meet someone else, we're obligated to tell the other, but jealousy and bitterness should be kept to a minimum since we share this mutual understanding. Could there be a more perfect equation for disaster? I think not.

2.) Platonic Ex
He'll be in attendance sans chubby gf. I don't think he'll cause a scene if I bring a date, but you never know. He can be unpredictable especially when alcohol is involved. Several months ago, we were talking on the phone, both intoxicated, when the subject of me making out with other guys arose. I admitted to making out with one guy in the 7 months since our split. He got pissed, saying, "Okay, I really didn't need to know that." He'd told me all the details of his love life so I figured it was fine. Having never mentioned the situation with TheGuy, he continued, "Who is this guy? Do I need to know? I'll punch him in the face." I know that sounds pretty bad, but I'm 99% sure it was the booze talking. He's got too much pride to hit my pseudo bf. However, in the off-chance Platonic Ex goes Jerry Springer on TheGuy's ass, I'll forever feel guilty.

3.) My mother
Both my parents will be there. My mom is a concern. She means well, but she doesn't realize the things she says and does are offensive and hurtful. And she drinks too much. More often than not, the combination of the two makes for an awkward, humiliating experience. A couple years ago, I went to a college friend's wedding, making the mistake of taking my mom. In talking to one of my former college roommates, my mom made a snide remark about the bridesmaids being the size of elephants, mimicking them as she puffed out her cheeks like a chipmunk and positioned her arms like an orangutan. The "elephants" just so happen to be three of my old roommate's really close friends.

In the end, I decided I would rather have TheGuy there than not have him there. Though I did my best to forewarn him that my ex and parents would be present so I would completely understand if he didn't wanna go, all he said was, "Why would I feel uncomfortable?"

I have yet to tell my mom either guys will be at the wedding simply because I cringe at the thought of what she might say or do. She'll most definitely grill Platonic Ex as to why we broke up and ask TheGuy a million questions, pausing only to breathe, sip her scotch, and share my most embarrassing stories. January 5th shall be interesting...