It's a Bonus

My brother, who lives at home, just got a new place but hasn't fully moved in yet.

I just had the funniest phone conversation with my mom.

Mom: I think your brother is using his new apartment as a bachelor pad.

Me: Huh?

Mom: Last night he said he was going there to sleep and he's not back yet so I think his girlfriend is in town.

Me: You know, that's not his "girlfriend."

Mom: Yes it is.

Me: No, it's not.

Mom: She's slept over here several times.

Me: I know. It's still not his girlfriend.

Mom: Then what are they? Friends with benefits?

Me: Something like that.

Mom: I don't get what "friends with benefits" means.

Me: It means there's no commitment.

Mom: So there's just benefits?

Me: Well, you're friends too, so it's a bonus.

Mom: [laughs] A bonus? I wish they had that in my day.

Mom: So there is an oral agreement?

Me: Maybe, it depends what you've talked about.

Mom: But if you sleep over, then how does that not make you someone's gf/bf?

Me: That rule no longer applies.

Mom: OH! I get it. I wouldn't know how to date these days.

Me: No, you wouldn't.

Mom: So how do you pay for things?

Me: With money?

Mom: Do you go dutch?

Me: [laughs] I don't know, Mom.

Mom: You need to write a tongue-in-cheek book on dating. But you'll need to find your funny bone first.