What Corporate Values?

Make it stop! In case you're not a mind-reader, I'm referring to the pounding in my head. I've got a slight headache this morning. That's what happens when GC and I polish off a bottle of cheap wine last night at The Loop. Not only am I far from being an avid wine drinker (I feel like I get drunk off it more quickly), but I almost never go out on a school night!

Two of her guy friends met up with us and we toasted to a mutual hatred for our jobs and corporate America. It's always a pleasure to meet others who despise their job as much as I do.

I almost went home and drunk blogged last night, but thought better of it. It hasn't happened yet, but fear not, I'm sure a future blog with numerous typos and absurd thoughtlessness is in store. I know I've got one in me somewhere, relishing the thought of sweet release.

It Never Ends

Saturday night I met GC at our regular hangout -- per usual, we met our fair share of winners.

The Social Retard

While standing at the bar, ordering drinks, Social Retard tapped GC on the shoulder.

SR: Are you gonna order me an Absolut tonic?

GC: No.

She shot him a dirty look.

SR: I thought you were taking drink orders.

GC: That's the worst pick-up line I've ever heard.

If I knew the equivalent of a high-five or fist bump for women, I would have used appropriate gesture. Awesome.

The Smooth Talker

His name was AJ and he was flying solo that night, but he didn't need a wingman. Instead of using a bad line (see above), he marched up to us and ripped on us for evading men by checking our cell phones. It was two against one, however, so we ganged up on him as soon as we noticed his fruity drink. It was something clear in a short glass with ice and two lemons, two limes.

Me: Are you sure don't need another lime or lemon?

AJ: Huh?? This is hardcore -- straight gin. Try it.

GC: Is that sangria?

The banter went back and forth as such, it was a chuckle and a half.

Note to AJ: If you wanna look like a badass by drinking straight liquor, ditch the fruity accessories. Or maybe just order a beer next time.

The Nigerian

A couple weeks ago when GC and I were at the bar, a Nigerian fellow caught her attention. While they made "eyes" at one another from across the bar, he never came over and talked to us. He was there, again, so GC decided to initiate. We conveniently ordered drinks beside him and his friend which began the conversation. About ten to fifteen minutes later, AJ reappeared at the bar with a lady friend we'd seen him attempting to schmooze earlier. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it looked as though he got shot down so naturally, I started making fun of him.

I don't know what brought it on, but out of nowhere, The Nigerian decided to call out AJ, accusing him of being a bullshitter. He claimed to have met AJ before, but AJ, seemingly aghast The Nigerian even knew his name, swore up and down he'd never met him in his life. The two ended up causing a bit of a scene so GC and I excused ourselves and headed out to the patio. Funny thing was when we came back in, AJ and The Nigerian were standing at the bar, chatting away as if they were old college roommates. What's the story there? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe it was all staged.

GC's sister came to pick her up around 1:30 so I decided to go meet a few guy friends at The Front. I was done drinking for the night, but hadn't seen them in a while so it was fun to catch up. One of them was pretty wasted - - always entertaining. It was my first experience at The Front and I have to say, I kind of enjoyed it. There's a dj who spins and there were a lot of crazies dancing, namely this young woman dressed like a gypsie in a crop top and long, flowing skirt, off in her own little world, i.e., high on some really good drugs.

After the bar, we went to Santana's. It's greasy food for drunks. My friend ordered the zuchinni fries and regular fries so I ate some of both, instantly regretting my decision when stomach pains kicked in almost immediately.

It was an eventful two hours:

-- A guy with a blood trickling down the left side of his face came up and started mumbling incoherent statements

-- Friend decided to ask the owner (who remembered two of them from ten years ago) about Eddie Griffin crashing his car into Santana's while watching porn

-- Same friend laughed so hard he spit soda all over

-- Inappropriate questions were raised such as, "If you had to choose, would you rather wish _______ or _______ were on the 35-W bridge?"

-- A drunk ass that failed to stop at a stop sign nearly collided with an oncoming Jeep that came to a screeching halt

-- I've never seen two 30+ year old men so excited over magnetic poetry

Marking One's Territory

Yesterday was busy. I got up, went to the gym, and did 8 miles on the treadmill. Thought that was pretty good until I came home and checked my marathon "schedule" that said I should have done 12.

Then I went over to Stripes' house and we watched the first four episodes of season three of Weeds. He found them online and downloaded them, complete with French subtitles. Since I was very much looking forward to the new season, I kind of felt like I cheated or something by watching them early. I think disappointment may be too strong of a word, but I wasn't exactly jumping up and down with anticipation by the end. Don't worry, no spoilers though. Andy's storyline is my favorite thus far.

From Stripes' place, I headed to GC's. She invited me to her co-worker's BBQ which was way out in the middle of nowhere in the northern suburbs. I didn't know anyone other than her, so that always makes for somewhat of an uncomfortable situation, but it was a good time in all. I had the biggest hamburger of my life -- it was so THICK. It literally took half an hour to finish. The hostess said they were from Costco. Damn, that was one hunk of meat.

GC's co-worker was a character. She played Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits album, spontaneously busting out in lyrics and dance moves throughout the evening. As we were leaving, she said, "I'm sorry there weren't any cute boys here for you guys to make out with. I'd hook you up with my boyfriend's friends if they weren't all losers."

After the party, GC and I went to Miami. It was a strange crowd. Never seen so many black shirts, tats, and piercings in such an unusual locale. Most likely had something to do with the Uptown Art Fair being this weekend.

Anyway, the night got interesting when GC told me she thought she saw Nick from Big Brother. Of course, at the mere mention of the show, my ears perk up. I didn't see him right away, he was probably outside smoking, but she swore up and down it was him. Okay, she saw the show for the first time Thursday night. I live and breathe the show (albeit no one is very enthralled this season) and it definitely wasn't him. Despite my declaration it looked nothing like him, she was adamant, however, saying she knew it was him 'cause she thought he was hot, so we kept giving him looks until he finally came over to ask why.

Instead of asking flat-out if he was a contestant on Big Brother, she asked his name. I don't recall what it was, but alas, it was not Nick. She thinks she knows him from somewhere, but they never figured out the connection. Still, they had a lovely conversation until the owner of Miami, who happens to be smitten with GC, saw what was going on and came out to stake his claim. If he were a dog, he would've lifted his leg and pissed on her. GC and I were sitting on stools at the bar so the owner came up behind GC and started rubbing her shoulders. His gesture was so blatantly obvious, it scared off NotNick instantly -- he pretty much ran away as fast as he could.

In shock, the rest of the night GC kept repeating, "Did that really happen?" Before we left Miami, she really wanted to give NotNick her phone number, so she boldly approached him at the bar. But all because of a little shoulder rub, she got shot down. NotNick's polite response: "We know the same people." Meaning, he knew the owner and didn't feel like getting his ass kicked anytime soon.

We went to Bar Abilene for a bit, but it was too early to be exciting so since we were both exhausted, we decided to call it a night. Too many booze and boys (notice I said boys, not men) for one night.

Do Nice Guys Always Finish Last?

When I was out with GC over the weekend, she shared her current guy dilemma. She's been hanging out with this guy, NG for Nice Guy, who is just that: NICE. Last time he went to her place, clothes were strewn about her bedroom, so she explained she needed more hangers. The next time NG saw her, he brought hangers and chocolate because he knows she's got a sweet tooth.

GC: "WTP, they weren't even plastic hangers -- they were the wood ones! Who uses wood hangers?!?"
WTP: "My dad."

You often hear women say with an emphatic sigh, "Why can't I just meet a nice guy?" So why is it when they meet the nice guys, they're completely turned off? Is nice simply too boring? If there's no challenge, where's the thrill?

Sun 'n Fun

I awoke early Saturday and since it was beautiful outside, I decided to check out the new Lakeville Lifetime pool. It was extremely nice from everything to the outdoor hot tub to the comfortable chairs and shaded umbrellas that spray mist. As I was lying there, soaking up the sun, I felt restless.

What I really wished for was my laptop, but I'd brought along a notebook and pen instead. I had a lot of jumbled thoughts bouncing around in my head, but when I went to put them down on paper, I found I couldn't. It was the strangest thing. When I was young, I journaled non-stop and wrote free-hand all the time. But I find now I've become so accustomed to typing my thoughts out on a keyboard that when I go back to the old-fashioned way, I draw blanks. Nothing but garbage. Seriously. The only exception is instances where I have something truly vent-worthy.

Luckily for me, my friend called about an hour and a half later, saying she was on her way to the Savage pool so I packed up and headed over there. She met up with one of her guy friends too and we shared a few enlightening topics of conversation. Later on, my friend and I were walking back to our chairs when a guy called out my name. It was one of my friends who lives in the area so it wasn't exactly shocking to see him, but still an unexpected surprise to see him in a swimsuit. That was a first. I'd walked past him when I came in and hadn't even recognized him. He was there with his roommate so we stopped and chatted them for a good while. The fun part was when they encouraged us to try out the water slides with them. So if you lie down with your arms crossed on the left slide, you actually rip pretty fast for a kiddie slide. Since I'm always talking about how old I feel, it felt good to know I can still do childish things and have just as much fun doing them!! It really made me want to go to a water park!

After slides and swimming, I stopped by my parents' for dinner and dog time. When I finally got back to my apartment, I had to rush to get ready for going out. So I met my pool friend downtown where we made our usual rounds -- starting at Old Chicago. We bumped into her friend who we later met up with. We left Old Chicago and went to The Annex. My friend has a crush on a guy from her work and she'd heard he frequently hangs out there. She was so cute when she thought she saw him. She got all nervous to see him. Unfortunately, he was there with a girl -- no confirmation of her relationship to him, but my friend knows he doesn't have a girlfriend.

After a few other friends showed up, I left Annex and went to Bellanotte to meet GC. We ended up meeting a couple older guys while sitting at the bar who were sort of interesting. It kind of ended up being like a double-date though. The guy I spoke with likes to write so I thought that was really cool and we ended up getting into a pretty deep conversation about writing. However, he lives in LA, but is originally from here and says he wants to keep in touch, but who knows. It was a good night though and I had a lot of fun.

Sunday I went over to a married friend's house and a group of us went to Canterbury Park to watch ostrich and camel races. I took video of the camels, but I haven't uploaded yet, it may be too far away, but I'll see what it looks like when I get home. The ostriches were fast and really funny -- the jockeys didn't really stay on! The unfortunate thing about yesterday was that it was soooooo hot and steamy! It was miserable. So I didn't work out either Saturday OR Sunday and I ate like shit. I didn't have enough time to eat on Sunday before I went to my friend's so I had cheese curds and vanilla ice cream with sprinkles at Canterbury. Then we went back to my friend's and she mixed salsa and cheese together as dip for chips and I seriously ate a TON! I still feel gross.

We also watched the movie, Norbit, it was 102 minutes of my life I'll never get back. The whole time I kept wondering how movies like that ever get made!

I Sometimes Get Paranoid...

One thing I never mentioned in previous posts is that a few of GC's guy friends have commented to me that she talks about me a lot, which is sort of surprising considering we've only hung out a handful of times. Last time I saw her, Indian night at NV, in our drunken stupor, we shared a heartwarming moment in the womens' bathroom (where else?) where we went back and forth about how glad we were to have met.

So...when GC didn't return my call last weekend, I started to worry -- worry she'd suddenly decided she no longer wanted to be my friend! I even had a dream that night where I asked a mutual friend of ours if she was out of town. He said "no" and got a funny look so I pressed him to tell me what I'd done wrong or why she was avoiding me. He eventually admitted the reason she didn't want to hang out with me was because the last time we'd gone out, I apparently was so drunk that I thought it would be a good idea to steal milk from the kitchen of a bar downtown! The worst of it was my drunk ass failed to recall the incident, but GC had told our friend that it wasn't just a 1-liter size milk, I'd managed to steal gallons and gallons...of milk!! As it turned out, she was morally opposed to my klepto ways. She said I'd taken it too far and didn't want to associate herself with someone like that.

Is that not the strangest dream you've heard of? It was incredibly vivid! Funny, I'm in a bar, and of all things, I choose to steal milk?!? What the hell is wrong with me?

Paranoia getting the best of me, I periodically checked my phone all weekend, in hoping, contrary to my dream, she actually had been out of town. But as the weekend came and went, with no word, I honestly tried to think of what I may have done or said to piss her off. I texted her on Tuesday after work as well, with no response.

Finally, today when I arrived home, I had a missed call and voicemail from her with an apology and explanation that there'd been a family emergency. I immediately felt terrible for being so selfish! Here all this time I kept thinking it must have been something I'd done, and I'd never once stopped to consider the possibility that something bad happened.

To top it off, the same situation occurred with another friend of mine who didn't get back to me over the weekend so I was twice as paranoid. I later learned he was out of town.

Mid-week Weekend

Since Tuesday was like a Saturday night with the mid-week break, I enjoyed a night of fun with friends and booze. GC and I decided to take advantage of the Tuesday night specials downtown.

$4 martinis at The Loop = loopy. I had two cosmos plus three mixed drinks. But I felt like I had 12 drinks in all. It'd been a long time since I was that intoxicated. I got to meet GC's roommate and guy friend who were both really cool.

After appetizers and strong cocktails, a small group of us went to the club NV. It was interesting to say the least. Soon after we walked in, my guy friend turned to me and said, "Is it Indian night?" I told him to ask GC, but I failed to hear her response over the reverberating bass. The majority of the crowd was, in fact, Indian. Music selection was unusual -- I hadn't heard any of it before, but the Indians seemed to be down with it. In fact, one guy was so into it, he even broke it all the way down to the floor. Very entertaining!

If I were subject to hangovers, I'd put more thought into the consequences of my drinking, but somehow or another, I bounce back without so much as a headache. Of course, there have been times that proved otherwise, but it's fairly rare. I got up yesterday at 7:30 am and walked to my car. I felt much better knowing my car was where I left it, still parked at the meter outside the bar. It took me a while to get going, but after changing into my workout clothes and procrastinating by playing with Marley for thirty minutes, I ran six miles. I've been slacking lately so it felt good to have a decent run. I would've gone further if I hadn't been so dehydrated. Hmm...I wonder why.

The afternoon could've been a productive one, but instead I watched my soap opera, Young and the Restless, took a nap, and watched The Devil Wears Prada. I can't stand Anne Hathaway, but I couldn't help but be curious about the movie so I bought it when it was on sale at Target last week. It fell flat, just like I thought it would. It had the potential to be better, but it was pretty blah. I'm sure the book is much, much better. Maybe I'll check it out if I ever decide to pick up a book and read again.

My friend and I went to dinner and then we watched the fireworks outside my apartment. Last year, we watched them from the Stone Arch Bridge, but we were packed in like sardines so it wasn't the most enjoyable experience. This year, we took a chance and camped out on a blanket on a small incline that turned out to be the perfect view!

Oh, yesterday also marked Deborah's birthday. On Tuesday, I brought in a Bakers Square cherry pie (her favorite) and vanilla ice cream -- you'd have thought she won 50 grand playing the lottery. She made sure to keep it hidden so she wouldn't have to share.

My friend captured this pic on her camera.

The Royal Treatment

I know, I'm behind on posting. Busy weekend! Here goes.

Even though I swore I was sick and tired of downtown bars, guess where I found myself Saturday evening? Just can't stay away. I met my friend at our usual meeting place, the parking ramp across from The Quest.

We made our rounds, starting with Rosen's, then Old Chicago, and ending with The Annex. When all three bars were dead, we were about to call it a night at 11 pm. Dejected, we headed to our cars, but during the walk, both managed to find back-up plans. She drove to Major's in Bloomington to meet up with one of her friends and I called GC, who was on her way to Bellanotte so I backtracked that direction.

GC was with her best friend and her cousin, whom I'd met the night at Acme Comedy Club. She happened to be celebrating her 21st birthday. As if I needed another reason to feel old!

GC and her BFF are regulars at Bella so they've gotten to know a few of the older gentlemen who frequent the place. After we all bought our first round of drinks, mine an $8.50 Captain Coke, the drinks just kept on coming from different men! The owner of one of the downtown clubs bought us drink #2. Halfway through the drink, he ordered a round of lemon drops. Approximately a minute and a half later, we were toasting Washington Apples. Barely had time to blink between shots!

Then we moved on to club NV to meet up with their other friends. Mixed feelings about the name of the club. GC and her BFF know the bouncers and door staff so there was no waiting in line or cover charge. While waiting in line at the bar, GC began talking to the random in front of her. When he asked what she wanted, she told him, "3 Grey Goose/pears." Nice work on her part! It was quite possibly the best drink I've ever had. Tasted like candy!

After the delicious drink, GC decided we should make a stop at the club, Aqua, right next door. Rather than wait in line, GC went right up to the bouncer and said, "Are you from North Dakota?" After they bonded over ND talk, the bouncer unclipped the velvet rope and let us in.

The embarrassing part was when we didn't have enough cash for cover. It was $10 a person. We were about to leave -- I was halfway down the exit stairs when GC called me back and we snuck past the door check woman.

Aqua was pretty cool. GC immediately started chatting up a random in VIP who invited us to join him and his crew -- half were women who shot us evil, bitchy looks the entire time. VIP dude poured each of us a shot of straight vodka so we grabbed a pitcher of orange juice to make mini screwdrivers in a double shot glass! I hadn't had a screwdriver since college -- it was a little rough going down, but we were troopers.

After our stint in VIP, we went back to NV for more dancing and fun. I assume I probably had another drink, but it's a little hazy. I do remember cutting myself off by turning down a shot when a Bella guy showed up and insisted on buying Birthday Girl another shot.

There weren't any funny guy stories, but I was approached by a Wingwoman. She pointed to her friend and said, "This is my friend. He's a really nice guy and I just want him to meet a cute girl with a career and a good head on her shoulders and you look like that." When I asked why she didn't hook up with him, she said he was like a brother to her.

She tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Isn't she beautiful?" and introduced us. She kept repeating that. He and I talked a little, but then I told him I had to find my friends, even though I knew exactly where they were, dancing in a large group just a few feet away. So the entire time we were dancing, he and his friends were standing right next to us. Kind of awkward, but oh well.

He was "okay" as far as attractiveness, but I was super turned off by the Wingwoman doing his work for him. It made me wonder if there was something wrong with him. Why did he need a girl friend to pick up women for him? Was he shy? Desperate? Either way, turn-off!

It was yet another crazy fun night with GC. In a brief phone conversation the following day, she claimed that was the most she'd had to drink in four years. Meanwhile, I was thinking, wow, I wasn't even the least bit hungover! Hmm, not sure if that's a good or bad thing...