It Never Ends

Saturday night I met GC at our regular hangout -- per usual, we met our fair share of winners.

The Social Retard

While standing at the bar, ordering drinks, Social Retard tapped GC on the shoulder.

SR: Are you gonna order me an Absolut tonic?

GC: No.

She shot him a dirty look.

SR: I thought you were taking drink orders.

GC: That's the worst pick-up line I've ever heard.

If I knew the equivalent of a high-five or fist bump for women, I would have used appropriate gesture. Awesome.

The Smooth Talker

His name was AJ and he was flying solo that night, but he didn't need a wingman. Instead of using a bad line (see above), he marched up to us and ripped on us for evading men by checking our cell phones. It was two against one, however, so we ganged up on him as soon as we noticed his fruity drink. It was something clear in a short glass with ice and two lemons, two limes.

Me: Are you sure don't need another lime or lemon?

AJ: Huh?? This is hardcore -- straight gin. Try it.

GC: Is that sangria?

The banter went back and forth as such, it was a chuckle and a half.

Note to AJ: If you wanna look like a badass by drinking straight liquor, ditch the fruity accessories. Or maybe just order a beer next time.

The Nigerian

A couple weeks ago when GC and I were at the bar, a Nigerian fellow caught her attention. While they made "eyes" at one another from across the bar, he never came over and talked to us. He was there, again, so GC decided to initiate. We conveniently ordered drinks beside him and his friend which began the conversation. About ten to fifteen minutes later, AJ reappeared at the bar with a lady friend we'd seen him attempting to schmooze earlier. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it looked as though he got shot down so naturally, I started making fun of him.

I don't know what brought it on, but out of nowhere, The Nigerian decided to call out AJ, accusing him of being a bullshitter. He claimed to have met AJ before, but AJ, seemingly aghast The Nigerian even knew his name, swore up and down he'd never met him in his life. The two ended up causing a bit of a scene so GC and I excused ourselves and headed out to the patio. Funny thing was when we came back in, AJ and The Nigerian were standing at the bar, chatting away as if they were old college roommates. What's the story there? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe it was all staged.

GC's sister came to pick her up around 1:30 so I decided to go meet a few guy friends at The Front. I was done drinking for the night, but hadn't seen them in a while so it was fun to catch up. One of them was pretty wasted - - always entertaining. It was my first experience at The Front and I have to say, I kind of enjoyed it. There's a dj who spins and there were a lot of crazies dancing, namely this young woman dressed like a gypsie in a crop top and long, flowing skirt, off in her own little world, i.e., high on some really good drugs.

After the bar, we went to Santana's. It's greasy food for drunks. My friend ordered the zuchinni fries and regular fries so I ate some of both, instantly regretting my decision when stomach pains kicked in almost immediately.

It was an eventful two hours:

-- A guy with a blood trickling down the left side of his face came up and started mumbling incoherent statements

-- Friend decided to ask the owner (who remembered two of them from ten years ago) about Eddie Griffin crashing his car into Santana's while watching porn

-- Same friend laughed so hard he spit soda all over

-- Inappropriate questions were raised such as, "If you had to choose, would you rather wish _______ or _______ were on the 35-W bridge?"

-- A drunk ass that failed to stop at a stop sign nearly collided with an oncoming Jeep that came to a screeching halt

-- I've never seen two 30+ year old men so excited over magnetic poetry