CAUTION: Using Facebook to Reconnect with Married Ex Can be Hazardous to your Health

Duh. This is a no-brainer. Like the Surgeon General's warning on a pack of cigarettes.

Wow. Ok, I know I took a long hiatus from this blog but with the recent developments in my life, I just HAD to come back -- readers or no readers. Of course, I also heard MG was back so it only seemed fitting I would return around the same time. :) Where to start, where to start. I'll do my best to update you on my life.

1.) When I left, I was just starting my new job. This had 95% to do with the me disappearing from blogging. I started my blog because it was the only way to get through the day while I was bored out of my mind at my former job. Also, I needed an outlet to vent because there's only so much Deborah you can handle in an 8-hour period.

So I'm really liking my new job. That doesn't erase the fact "it's a job" but it's actually related to what I went to school for and I don't feel as though a monkey could be trained to do it. I also love working downtown. I have been walking to work which takes approximately 35 minutes but now that it's starting to get cold, I am trying to get used to the bus system. I took the wrong bus going home last week so that was rather unfortunate.

2.) TheGuy. We're still seeing each other. Mmm yeah. It's pretty much about the same as when I last left off talking about him. In my head, I am starting to write up a pretty long list of reasons it would never work out between us. The looming issue of whether he's moving out of state/country continues to linger. I have a feeling things may not last much longer. I find I have fewer and fewer reasons to stay in this relationship. The biggest of all being that there really is just no future no matter which way I look at it. And while that may have been okay a year ago, I find that I am really wanting to be in a more serious relationship with someone I can begin to make future plans with and that definitely is not TheGuy.

3.) If you've been around and you're STILL around, you probably recall Married Ex and you may even recall my memorable run-in with his brother back when Married Ex would have been more appropriately named Engaged Ex. If you don't feel like taking the time to read the post, just know that Married Ex's brother informed me that his entire family and all their friends despised Married Ex's wife. They DID NOT think highly of her and it was very apparent at the "most awkward wedding of the century."

So a few months back, I decided to add Married Ex as my friend on Facebook. I didn't know whether he would accept my friend request -- I also included a message reiterating just that and some other bullshit you would say to an ex you hadn't spoken to in years in an attempt to extend the olive branch. He did accept my friend request and we exchanged a couple brief messages about what we'd been up to. No talk of the marriage or dating or other ex talk though.

About a month ago, I noticed that Married Ex dropped off Facebook. I checked his brother's page and Married Ex was not on his brother's friend list either. Then I continued to check his brother's page until a few weeks later, I noticed Married Ex was back and he'd changed the spelling of his last name and dropped all the friends he'd had before. So after mulling over it a while and attempting to spy on his page, I just decided to add him again as my friend. He accepted. We exchanged a few more bullshit catching up messages -- nothing super personal.

One really odd thing was that he no longer listed himself as "married" and he didn't have his wife as one of his friends. He'd also removed all the pictures of her from his page. While strange, I didn't feel comfortable asking so I didn't. Then last week, I got home one day and noticed his brother had written a status update on his page complaining about how he'd spent three hours trying to get the internet fixed. His buddy posted a comment saying, "That's what happens when you don't pay your bill." To which he responded, "No, Married Ex's Bitch took it along with everything else." Then another friend wrote, "Sounds like someone misses Married Ex's bitch." And he wrote, "No, we're throwing a party in honor of her getting the F out." So from that communication, it became very clear that Married Ex and his wife were done - DUN. BTW, Married Ex's brother lives with him/formerly "them."

So in the nicest way possible I decided to send Married Ex a message asking about it. And he told me they were going through a divorce -- though I haven't found out exactly why yet. My guess is she cheated. They were only married 11 months. It's gotta be something BAD if you don't even stick it out a year?!? I don't know. He also told me he'd tell me about it sometime but that it didn't involve daytime drama, whatever that means. He asked for my dad's help as well for legal advice so he called my dad and spoke to him which kinda weirded me out just a bit.

Now what? I am totally dying to know what happened. The only way I'm going to find out is if I hang out with him. But do I really want to do that? Of course part of me REALLY wants to. But then I also know how easily I get sucked in by him and I don't want that. I mean, I was thinking about it today and as soon as he asked for my dad's help, I didn't even hesitate for a second. I think that is pretty nice of me. My dad talked to his divorce attorney friend for Married Ex too so I think he got a deal on that, i.e., free legal help.

I am torn. I haven't liked anyone the same way that I liked Married Ex. Ever. But things never seem to work out between us and then I'm crushed as soon as they don't. I don't even know what he's thinking right now either. Maybe he already has another girl for all I know or maybe he will need a year or two to get over his ex. Who knows. So yeah, that is my dilemma. I thought I was 100% safe by getting in touch with him again, given that he was married. Guess not. I just have a bad feeling about all this...

4.) I ran Twin Cities Marathon again and finished 4:09! I was super happy with my time! It was pouring rain in the beginning and I ended getting up really sick afterwards but I was pleased with my results. My training was a joke too...imagine if I actually trained properly! I am thinking maybe I will make it my goal to try and qualify for Boston -- maybe not next marathon, but one after?? Need a 3:40 for that.

Hopefully, more updates to come.

Don't Stay Together for the Kids

Sorry, it's a serious one folks...

A few weeks ago, my friend and I got to talking about her parents' divorce. I was surprised to learn she was happy (at thirteen) when her parents, who fought non-stop, announced their divorce. I'd always hoped for the same.

To this day, I'm sometimes haunted by raised voices, slammed doors, and the image of my mother's car peeling around the corner after yet another quarrel with my dad. It was typical marriage disputes -- financial issues, unmet needs, stubborn disagreements and the like. Each time, my dad reassured me and my two younger brothers (the youngest bawling his eyes out) she'd come back, saying, "Where would she go?" He was right. She always returned. In her mind, she had nowhere to go -- desperate housewife trapped in a loveless marriage.

Over the years, she brought up the "D" word time and time again -- vocalized her misery, threatened to leave, and discussed future plans. She'd insist, "This time I'm serious..." Her biggest mistake was dragging us kids into it before it was a done deal. Yet it was always one excuse after another -- after swimming season is over, after your brother graduates high school, after the holidays, etc. In the end, the motto for dysfunctional marriages everywhere overruled: "Stay together for the kids."

I never understood. She had options. There are always options. You make do.

Thirty-one years wed, they're still together -- for better or for worse -- the two individuals who were supposed to set the example of a healthy, loving marriage. Is it wrong of me to feel bitter toward them for robbing me of this?

That is all. I promise "funny" next time.

'Life's Short. Get a Divorce.'

At the risk of sounding crass, I like it. I admire the boldness, or "cutting edge" as Corri Fetman, the attorney behind this, refers to it.

The all-female law firm specializing in divorce cases, Fetman, Garland & Associates Ltd., fueled controversy with their Chicago billboard that reads: 'Life's short. Get a Divorce.' The ad shows headless pictures of a buxom woman in a black lace bra and the washboard abs of a man in a white towel.

I roll my eyes when people say it promotes divorce and degrades the institution of marriage when over half the people in this country get divorced. Yes, divorce is traumatic, but a billboard certainly isn't going to be the deciding factor in seeking a divorce.

Fetman defends her ad by saying, "If you're unhappy, that life is too short to continue in an unhappy marriage, those images provide hope."

Strategically placed, the billboard faces "Viagra Triangle," known for its' trendy single scene. There are plans in the works for similar ads, another to hit the "Gold Coast" neighborhood with glitzy nightlife.



The media uses sex appeal to advertise everything under the sun, why stop at divorce??