Don't Stay Together for the Kids
Sorry, it's a serious one folks...
A few weeks ago, my friend and I got to talking about her parents' divorce. I was surprised to learn she was happy (at thirteen) when her parents, who fought non-stop, announced their divorce. I'd always hoped for the same.
To this day, I'm sometimes haunted by raised voices, slammed doors, and the image of my mother's car peeling around the corner after yet another quarrel with my dad. It was typical marriage disputes -- financial issues, unmet needs, stubborn disagreements and the like. Each time, my dad reassured me and my two younger brothers (the youngest bawling his eyes out) she'd come back, saying, "Where would she go?" He was right. She always returned. In her mind, she had nowhere to go -- desperate housewife trapped in a loveless marriage.
Over the years, she brought up the "D" word time and time again -- vocalized her misery, threatened to leave, and discussed future plans. She'd insist, "This time I'm serious..." Her biggest mistake was dragging us kids into it before it was a done deal. Yet it was always one excuse after another -- after swimming season is over, after your brother graduates high school, after the holidays, etc. In the end, the motto for dysfunctional marriages everywhere overruled: "Stay together for the kids."
I never understood. She had options. There are always options. You make do.
Thirty-one years wed, they're still together -- for better or for worse -- the two individuals who were supposed to set the example of a healthy, loving marriage. Is it wrong of me to feel bitter toward them for robbing me of this?
That is all. I promise "funny" next time.
2 comments:
As you point out, staying together has the exact opposite effect on families as is intended. People are scared to leave comfortable situations, so they hide behind their kids. It's odd, I try to think of married couples that I know are happy after more than 10 years of marriage, and I can't think of that many....
I keep thinking of a scene from Walk the Line when June Carter was walking around a little country store when this old hag approaches her and tells her that when you marry, it's for life and it's not the Christian way.
B.S.
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