Single Self vs. Relationship Self

One thing I struggle with is not wanting to lose my independence in a relationship. Is it possible to be with someone and not lose a part of yourself? I don't believe so. You give up your freedom (to make out with random boys/girls). You make room in your life for this person. You factor them into decisions on a daily basis. You make compromises. You make promises. You do your best not to break said promises. You love. You trust. You share. Your capacity to do these things grows. You forgive.

After Platonic Ex and I broke up, I shut down emotionally. The thought of going through the whole process with someone else was unfathomable. Yet on the plus side, it was liberating to have my single life back. It took me a while to get back into the swing of things i.e., going out and partying every weekend, but as it turns out, it's like riding a bicycle.

Unfortunately, I can tell I've begun to shift from my rockstar lifestyle and it saddens me. I miss crazy late-night shopping cart shenanigans with GC and C-Sharp. While I still try to go out at least once a weekend, it's just not the same. And as more of my friends say "I do", the sadder it gets. Once a friend gets engaged, you see less and less of them. And once they're married, well, you see them at showers, weddings, and funerals. Keep in mind I'm speaking generally. Yes, I have married friends whom I still hang out with, but I can't help but long for the carefree days of college when everyone's first priority was which party to attend this weekend as opposed to what color should the table centerpiece be.

But Once a Year

Valentine's Day is 'round the corner. I loathe this holiday more than Crocs footwear. Take me out for an overpriced meal of pint-sized proportions, buy me roses or better yet, extravagant jewelry, and cater to me, pamper me, and empty your wallet at my expense. Because you were told to. Not because you necessarily wanted to.

Romantic gestures nauseate me. Is romance even real? Chocolate and teddy bears are for suckers. I don't seek gifts of monetary value for validation.

All I need is someone to be there for me, support me, let me know their thinking about me. Daily. Not once a year. An affectionate stroke of the hair or kiss on the shoulder surely require more thought than that $3.49 Hallmark card written by some sap who sits around watching Lifetime television. How personal is that?

Jealous Much?

About a month ago at dinner, Lo told an amusing story about her roommate, Missy. Missy has been doing Match.com and during one of her recent first dates, the guy told a story that involved some of his female friends, to which Missy said, "I don't believe in men and women having friends of the opposite sex." Her date said, "So you wouldn't marry a guy that had girls as friends?" She shot back, "Why are you bringing up marriage? Is it because you want to marry me?"

The following day, Missy relayed the conversation to Lo, and in all seriousness asked, "So what should I do if he calls? Should I answer?" "No," Lo said, knowing full well a call would never be made in the first place.

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. I try to be realistic when it comes to jealousy. Just because you've chosen to be in a monogamous relationship shouldn't mean you're no longer allowed to have friends of the opposite sex or find others attractive. That's crazy. And would never happen. If he/she tells you otherwise, they lie.

One pattern in my dating history is that I've never dated a notoriously jealous guy. Not even remotely close. While I can't speak on behalf of men, I believe some women find it chivalrous when their men get jealous. To me, jealousy screams insecurity and lack of trust on the part of the possessive half. I would never have the patience or tolerance to put up with that constant mistrust.

If someone is gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat. There's not much you can do about it. When you're growing up, parents and teachers repeatedly tell you not to drink or do drugs, which only piques your curiosity and makes you want to rebel even more. I apply the same logic when it comes to jealousy: the more you try to control someone, the more resentful they'll become and it will only fuel their need for secrecy. The way I see it, it will do more harm than good and potentially drive a huge wedge in your relationship.

Daily Reminders

Daily reminders of your single status. No wonder people think being single sucks.

Exhibit A

The Dumbest Woman Alive works in the office of my apartment building. DMA has worked there since I moved in four and a half years ago with my friend from college and Platonic Ex as my roommates. In all this time, DMA and I have maybe said a total of fifteen words to one another.

Last month I received a package so I was forced to communicate with the half-wits in the leasing office. DMA retrieved my package from the locked storage area and as she handed it to me, said, "I haven't seen your boyfriend around lately." Taken aback, I replied, "Oh, well we broke up a long time ago." She said, "You did? I'm sorry to hear that." Considering it took ten times of meeting her for her to recognize me, it shocked me she had put two and two together and recall that I had a boyfriend.

On Friday, I had another lovely encounter with DMA, as I went to pick up the flowers my friend sent me. DMA got this knowing look on her face and said with great enthusiasm, "Flowers? There must be a new man!" So then I had to explain they were from a friend in lieu of losing my dog. It's not like I was sent a dozen roses. Why this sudden interest in my love life? Is this what married people do? Sit around and fantasize about the dating life of single people??

Exhibit B

I received the following email yesterday from a male friend of mine:

Hello all,

I need to know if any of you are in serious relationships. Seating at the wedding will be limited, but we would like to be able to allow those in serious relationships to bring their significant others.

Is this not the most insulting thing you've ever read? Okay, you've probably encountered worse, but it's pretty appalling. While we've drifted apart in the last few years, this is someone I once considered one of my best friends. And the other guys copied on the email (I was the only female) have been friends with him since elementary school so they have even more reason to be offended.

When you receive an invitation to a wedding, it should be an honor. But this makes me feel like I'm an inconvenience to the bride and groom, occupying one of their coveted seats.

I haven't figured out the proper response as of yet. I don't mind going solo, but it's the principle! Really, if I'm not a good enough friend to allow me the courtesy of bringing a guest, why invite me at all? I'd rather not attend thank you.

This has been my favorite response thus far:

"I'm seriously dating a lemur. Can I bring my lemur?"



To think I was actually looking forward to attending their wedding...

On a related note, TheGuy recently received a wedding invitation that was addressed solely to him, with the absence of "+ guest." Has this ever happened to any of you? Is this becoming standard now?

Yet again, single people are made to feel like outcasts. Don't even get me started on Valentine's Day...

The Great Condom Debate

For the past week or so, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the topic of buying condoms. It all started when I heard from a few girl friends that their husbands are too embarrassed to buy condoms. Really? A married person?

At lunch a couple weeks ago, I asked Stripes and his friend about it. Now it didn't surprise me that Stripes said he doesn't like buying condoms (he's a shy one), but his friend is really outgoing so I was shocked when he said he hates doing it because he doesn't want other people knowing his "personal business." Particularly when the awkward run-in with a family friend or neighbor occurs. At which point, they both said you shift the items in your basket to hide the paraphernalia.

The only other male opinion I have thus far is TheGuy and he disagreed, saying it wasn't a big deal and that he thought others should consider it perfectly normal for a 28-year-old to be buying condoms. He said he wouldn't feel the need to hide it from people he knew at the store, but he did say it was funny to watch the really young and really old female cashiers become uncomfortable when ringing you up.

Before I started asking around, I kind of figured that most guys would be proud to buy condoms because that meant some girl was actually willing to have sex with them (or at least in hopes of that). I guess I don't have a lot to go on, so if any males wish to share their input, it would be greatly appreciated. Or if any females want to ask the guys they know, I am really curious. I know this is a strange thing to take interest in, but what can I say? I never claimed to be "normal."

Tweeners

As I've said before, I get my dating advice from 16-year-olds on MTV (mindless television). Last night on Newport Harbor, Chrissy's dad asked Chase and Kylie if their relationship was casual or serious. Chrissy takes it upon herself to chime in with, "They're tweeners." Apparently, "tweeners" refers to couples who find themselves in-between the casual and serious stage. By this logic, TheGuy and I would be "tweeners." We're more than casual but we're not really serious. We've established the "no hooking up with others" clause, but on an emotional level, we've got some distance.

My question is this: in your upper 20's, what does a "serious relationship" mean? Monogamy? Building toward a future together? I suppose it means both. As you get older, dating expectations change. Marriage and babies enter the picture. If it's not in the back of your mind, it's in the back of the minds of those around you. You're "supposed" to get married. It's what you do; an adulthood ritual.

At 27, the word "relationship" is intimidating. Remember back when you're biggest fear was having your crush's mom pick up the phone when you called his/her house? This is not junior high. You can't send your friend to dump your bf/gf at the drinking fountain between third and fourth period. The stakes are raised; there's a lot more to gain, and subsequently, a lot more to lose.

By now you've had your heart broken or broken the heart of someone else. With some experience under your belt, you've figured out what you want/don't want in a significant other. But it's never any easier. It just means you're better equipped to eliminate the players/gays/losers, or what have you. It fails, however, to nullify the fact you take a giant leap of faith every time you settle into a new relationship. The risk is incalculable when you make the conscientious decision to put your complete and total trust in another person.

One Big Party?

I get the impression from those who read my blog they think my life is one big party. Ha, I wish! Sure, I go out on weekends and drink one, or two (ok, sometimes more than a few) too many alcohol-laden beverages, but oftentimes, these nights of reckless abandon turn out to be a bust. When nothing exciting occurs, I resort to making fun of the d-bags we meet and their pathetic attempt to get laid -- the things you gotta do for a story!

One of my friends asked me if I enjoyed being single more than being in a relationship. It's a good question -- one I don't know that I have an answer to. Here's the thing -- if you know me, you know I'm resistant to change. I'm a creature of habit: I wake up several minutes before my alarm, my stomach starts growling around 11 am and 6 pm every day, and my body will only work out at certain times of the day. I enjoy following a set schedule, but I know it's limiting and I become prone to falling in a rut.

So when I hear things like, "My weekend was so boring compared to yours," the writer in me promptly takes credit for my questionable ability to make a boring story entertaining, but I'm also reminded of my non-single days. When I had a boyfriend, my life was nothing like the drunken binge it is now. More often than not, weekend highlights consisted of dinner and a movie and that was perfectly acceptable to me. Granted, we went out with friends too, but as time wore on, the pairing of couples expanded like Deborah's waistline and slowly but surely, our circle of friends began dropping like flies.

If you're in a relationship, things are predictable whereas when you're single, you come to expect the unexpected. I suppose that's where the excitement element comes into play. Do I HAVE to go out and consume copious amounts of liquor every weekend? Certainly not. Is it more fun that way? It certainly is. You never know who you're gonna meet, who you'll bump into from your past (or present), or where you'll find yourself come the end of the evening (3rd floor of the Vu).

In response to my friend's question, I don't know that I prefer one over the other, but now that I'm here, I like the place that I'm in. It definitely took me a while to make the transition -- I basically spent the first two months after the break-up holed up at my parents' house every weekend. I had no desire to go out or be social, but even if I had, I felt as though I had no one. It was rough, but getting past that opened the door to so many new experiences and friends. I'm enjoying not knowing what's in store for the future...

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I recently saw a picture of my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. From what he's told me, she's really into him and they share a number of common interests (much more than he and I did) so it sounds like a good match. I used to think it would bother me if he started dating before I did, but I don't feel an ounce of jealousy. I'm glad he's moved on. Sure, every so often, I think it'd be nice to have a Saturday date lined up, but I'm pretty content at the moment. However, I'm only human, so it's natural to be curious. What does he see in her? When he compares us, how do I stack up? Would we be friends under different circumstances?

Ok, so maybe my concern over whether we'd be BFF in another life is just a cover-up for my superficiality. Honestly, my first thought was, is she thinner than me? Not prettier. Thinner. That was the first thing I wanted to know. I couldn't conceal the smug glow when my ex confirmed she tipped the scale dial to the right more than myself. But it wasn't until I saw her photo that my reaction was, whoah, she's bigger than I expected.

While at work, chatting online with a girl friend, I sent the picture for support and scrutiny. We started off with the pros (we women folk don't want to be labeled "bitches"), in agreement she has a cute face, but had trouble coming up with more than that.

I almost fell over backward in my chair when she told me her co-worker walked into her office, saw the open picture on her computer, and asked if it was taken in 1995. If you were going off the new girlfriend's wardrobe, you would most definitely think so. She's wearing light denim capri jeans that look like they're about to bust at the seam, particularly in the badonkadonk region (pants that tight cannot be comfortable, can you say muffin-top?) and a horizontally-striped cotton top in camo colors -- light green, brown, and dark green. Word to the wise: horizontal stripes are for skinny people, and skinny people only. Like Waldo. They say the camera adds ten pounds; the same logic applies to horizontal stripes.

In an effort to acquire unbiased views, we both passed the photo around to male co-workers.

Here were the results:

Guy #1: "Too big for me. Sucks for him."

Guy #2: "She has a cute face, but that's about it."

Guy #3: "She'd be hot with makeup, after ten cocktails, and four shots of Patron."

I told my ex about our little poll (left out the male commentary) and he called me "psycho." Why am I not surprised? While the deluded thought of two women fighting over him must've been an ego boost, he had very little to do with the equation. It came down to women and the complex they develop when compared to other women. Female animosity trumps all.

The Immobility of Nice Guys

As if in response to the question I posed yesterday,I found this. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Hopefully, he doesn't mind me linking or quoting him, but he sums it up best by saying:

"So what do woman want? A nice guy? Yes. A nice guy that knows how to take charge. A man’s man. A man that isn’t afraid to disagree every now and then. A man that isn’t afraid to kiss a woman. A man that doesn’t ask to kiss her; he just kisses her."

Nothing to Lose

Per the urging of several friends, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually considering online dating (gulp). As I said a couple weeks ago, I'm not looking forward to dating, nor do I know if I'm ready for anything serious, but as my friend so wisely put it, "What do you have to lose?" She has a couple co-workers who go out with men they meet on plentyoffish, a free service they claim to be better than eHarmony or Match. If it's free, I guess I really do have nothing to lose. Other than my dignity, which, luckily for me, went out the window years ago. If nothing else, it should provide some good (by good, I mean bad) blogging material.

Do Nice Guys Always Finish Last?

When I was out with GC over the weekend, she shared her current guy dilemma. She's been hanging out with this guy, NG for Nice Guy, who is just that: NICE. Last time he went to her place, clothes were strewn about her bedroom, so she explained she needed more hangers. The next time NG saw her, he brought hangers and chocolate because he knows she's got a sweet tooth.

GC: "WTP, they weren't even plastic hangers -- they were the wood ones! Who uses wood hangers?!?"
WTP: "My dad."

You often hear women say with an emphatic sigh, "Why can't I just meet a nice guy?" So why is it when they meet the nice guys, they're completely turned off? Is nice simply too boring? If there's no challenge, where's the thrill?

Does Timing = Fate?

When it comes to love, it may not be considered "romantic" to accept the fact our lives are based purely on timing, but what of it?

Believers of fate feel everything happens for a reason. In accordance to this, I should acknowledge that a guy I find cute AND funny is somehow not right for me. Oh Gods of Fate, is that why ye choseth to have him meet and fall for some homely, Plain Jane with 80's hair and frumpy fashion several weeks before I officially became single? I do believe so.

Yes, that's right. When I was in a relationship, I met a few guys I potentially would have dated, had I been available. The most recent was a friend of a friend. We'll call him Ace since he's known in a few circles for dressing up like a gay superhero for Halloween. I know, you're impressed already. I met Ace back in September of last year. He was a friend of a friend that met up with a small group of us out one night. You know what they say, you always meet someone when you're not looking, right?

It was a Monday, of all nights, and it was sort of a last hurrah for one of my best friends before she moved out-of-state to begin her new job/career. Seeing as how I had to work the next day, I had no intent to get drunk, but before I knew it, two drinks turned into ten. Or something like that. Eventually, I reached the point of no return.

Our guy friends invited us to their house for the after-bar, so at some point during the walk/stumble from the bar, it was decided that I was riding with Ace. As we drove through downtown, he pointed out several restaurants, wanting to know whether I'd eaten at them. The answer was "no" every time (I don't get out much), as he raved about his love for sushi and Mediterranean food.

It wasn't until we got to the house and continued the boozefest that the boyfriend question arose. When I sheepishly replied, "Yes, I do have a boyfriend," he expressed his disappointment, revealing he'd planned to ask me out, which had been his reason for asking me about those restaurants. For as much as I overanalyze, you'd think I would've picked up on that, but up until then, I never received the slightest inkling of the "he's into me" vibe. Strange.

So we had the boyfriend/relationship talk for what seemed like a couple hours, but could've been more or less, since I lost all track of time. I explained I wasn't in love with him -- he was really more of a friend than a boyfriend. How did it last four years? I wish I had an answer myself. It was comforting to know Ace had been in a similar situation. He'd recently broken up with his girlfriend of two years that he'd never said "I love you" to.

He spent a great deal of time giving me a pep talk, encouraging me to break it off, telling it like it was. It was all of the things I knew were true, but sounded completely different coming from an outside perspective. It was an eye-opening conversation, to say the least. Of course, the fact I had a boyfriend failed to discourage him from trying to make out with me all night, but what can I say? He's a guy. And nothing happened.

It wasn't immediate, though things were rocky, but a couple months later, the ex and I were definitely through, once and for all. In the meantime, I saw Ace twice, and each time, he was baffled to learn we were still together after "our talk." By our third encounter, as my single self, he had a new girlfriend -- which caught me completely off-guard since the possibility never even crossed my mind.

He was happy to hear it was over and done with, and he went on a rant about how small the "window of opportunity" can be. Well, I can't help but hope the window hasn't been permanently closed because he'd be a really fun date -- his sarcasm is priceless. With no interesting prospects, I can't help but think of him from time to time. I'm usually wondering if he suddenly became single overnight. Knowing my luck, he'll be engaged by fall.

If I were a believer in fate, I'd be inclined to believe we met at that particular time for a reason. If we hadn't met, maybe I'd still be with someone that wasn't right for me. But, moral of the story, it's true what they say, "It's all about the timing."

Ex BFF's

It's to be expected that men will come and go, but it's a different story with your female friendships, perhaps the most complex of all. Several years ago, two of my college friends and I were in for the shock of our lives when out of the blue, one of our close college friends, NoIdentity, emailed us making asinie accusations regarding our behavior toward her and her new man, ToolforBrains. Ironically, she never would have met ToolforBrains (now her tool-of-a-husband) if it hadn't been for us forcing their introduction at the bar. She wasn't interested when approached by Tool's friend, on his behalf, but we were drunk and chatty so we scurried over to the booth they occupied.

In her email, she claimed to take offense for everything under the sun -- covering everything from us secretly excluding her from the group to ignoring ToolforBrains, thus deeming us "immature high schools." She even went so far as to badger us for making fun of ToolforBrains' tapered jeans. Are you kidding me?!?! We would have ridiculed ANYONE for that fashion faux-pas. Seriously. It was 2004, not 1994. It's not like we were cruel enough to say anything to the guy's face.

She received three angry, defensive emails in return, only to never hear back from her. It wasn't until a year later when I made plans with a mutual friend, whom unbeknownst to me, invited NoIdentity to join us. It was awkward, yes, but at times throughout conversation, it was as if nothing ever happened. It was like seeing an old ex for the first time in a long time when you make it a point to block out all the bad memories. After that, we made amends in that we continued communication and hung out on occasion, but it was never really the same. Nor will it ever be.

When a relationship falls apart, drama is guaranteed to follow, but what about when the same happens to a friendship?? It never receives the same attention, but it's just as dramatic, if not moreso! I met NoIdentity my first week of college and we immediately clicked, spending nearly every waking moment together. The fact she was willing to just throw away her closest friendships and the manner in which she went about it, all for the sake of ToolforBrains, spoke volumes.

Why Sex with an Ex?

Did you know there are women out there who solicit ex-boyfriends for sex?!? So I've been told by several male sources. Perhaps you are one of these women. Why? Do you seek out former lovers as a way to avoid adding another notch to your bedpost? My last friend to tell me such a story said when he informed his ex he currently had a girlfriend, she replied, "She doesn't have to know." I've also heard tales of women contacting old boyfriends before their wedding day for one last romp in the sack. Interesting, no?

Marrieds vs. Singles

Lately I've been thinking about how one's marital status affects their friendships. It's only reasonable that married couples would hang out with other marrieds while singles band together (the same logic applies to couples with kids). Naturally, the two groups co-exist, but when they socialize, it seems the marrieds are yawning and checking their cell phones either for the time or to see whether their other half has called if he/she is not present. They generally never make it to bar close and if they do, you probably won't seem them out again for another month.

On the weekends, I can't help but feel nostalgic as I flip through my ever-shrinking list of "going-out" friends on my phone. By default, I gravitate toward my single friends and thus feel closer to them as we bond over booze and banter.

I'm frequently reminded of the fact I wouldn't see my single friends, who happen to be more of acquaintances these days, nearly as often had I been part of the married crowd. Not to say that I don't still enjoy hanging out with my married friends, but it's two completely different worlds.

In recent months, I've witnessed many friendships change, friends of friends included, as more and more people take that next step. Is there a way to lessen the gap between the two groups? Or once you're married, does saying good-bye to your single self mean saying good-bye to your single friends?

The Sister Effect

Six years ago, I dated this guy who was extremely close with his mom, grandma, and two sisters. I can't say much for him, but the females in his family, namely his grandma, were amazingly strong, independent women! Evidently, they rubbed off on him. Early into our relationship, I learned that when it came to dating, my ex had a distinct advantage over most men I'd met. What was different? He'd been raised in an estrogen-driven household so he'd had a lifetime of first-hand female interaction.

Overall, he had a much better understanding of women -- how they think, act, talk, and even walk. Relaxed and comfortable, he knew how to have a non-awkward conversation with a member of the opposite sex. He was a flirt. He graciously walked that fine line between charming and cheesy. He knew how to deliver a compliment without resorting to cliché pick-up lines. He was concerned with his physical appearance, particularly in terms of clothes and hair, which sounds superficial, but on the contrary, demonstrated he cared simply because he knew women cared about that sort of thing. I won't go into weight for that is an entirely different issue, but he was keenly aware of things a guy could say or do to attract women, which really surprised me. Of course, you take the good with the bad. He was, by no means, the perfect guy, but he was genuine; I was drawn to that.

Back to my original thought: in my experience, it seems that men with sisters have an edge over the competition when it comes to dealing with women.

Dating? What's That?

"Are you dating?"

An acquaintance inquired over the weekend. Why did this question instantaneously strike a nerve?

"No," I scoffed, "I haven't been on a date since my last relationship."

Going on 7 months now.

"Are you looking?" she asked.

Okay, now I felt worse. Why should I feel ashamed?

"Define 'looking.'"

I know she asked out of curiosity, not to shame me, but why must there always be pressure to date, get married, and have babies? If it's not one thing, it's another. If I'd said I were "looking" would one take that to mean, sure, I'd love a boyfriend right now, but there haven't been any takers, i.e., single is synonymous with rejected loser.

It's easy to see why some prefer to jump from one relationship to the next, in an effort to skip over the pain from the last break-up by replacing it with a new relationship. But how can that be healthy or wise? What's the point of moving on if you haven't taken the time to reflect on lessons learnt?

If a seemingly promising opportunity for a date presented itself, I wouldn't decline, but I feel little desire to dive back into the dating pool. At this point, I prefer to stick near dry land, wading in the shallow end, steering clear of potentially shark-infested water. I'd much rather slowly ease back into dating.

Lately I've felt like there must be something wrong with me for not moving on. Those who move on and get back "out there" are praised while those who take their time getting over a break-up are pitied. Why? I'm not sitting around pining over my old boyfriend or wallowing in sorrow. Yes, there was a transition period, but after a four-year relationship, I'll never take my single life for granted again. Eventually, I'll swim out to the point where I can no longer touch bottom, but for now, I'm in no rush. Even if society tells me otherwise.

Sex: It is what it is

Question: Do people in their 20's use the term "making love?"

I sure as hell hope not. That sounds so terribly old-fashioned -- like what your dad said to your mom the first time they....you know. *Shudder* Moving on...

I could research the origin of the term, but I'm lazy. I imagine it dates back to when sex was much more of a taboo topic. C'mon people, we turn a blind eye at violence and dropping f-bombs in the entertainment industry, how long before use of the words "making love" is obsolete?

If a friend told me they "made love" to their husband, boyfriend or random one-night stand, my obituary would read: wearingthepants, 26, passed away unexpectedly from maniacal fit of uncontrollable laughter. Survived by adorable kitten, Marley.

While sex is part of love, it's not the equivalent of love. If you're doing it with a stranger or someone you're not in love with, you certainly aren't "making love." You're having sex. If you want to get technical, the only thing you're potentially "making" is a baby. Or loud noises. One friend is said to sound like Chewbacca. But I digress.

I could compile a long list of alternate words for "making love" but it's hardly necessary. So why not call it what it is? Sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

Depressed? Get Married.

"A recent study suggests that marriage provides a greater psychological boost to depressed people than to happy people, even if the marriage is so-so."

Interesting article.

"It could be that marriage provides the companionship and emotional support needed to help alleviate depression."

Misconceptions of Love

One of my guy friends at work started dating someone a few months ago. As usual, prying into the personal affairs of others, I asked if he had said those three little words.

"Why?" he asked.
"Because that's what she's waiting to hear."
"Silly women. Men don't feel the need to say that kind of stuff."

Prior to the Industrial Revolution, couples didn't necessarily marry for romantic love. It wasn't until after this, people sought mates for themselves instead of people related to friends and family and women had more economic opportunities. Both factors changed our society's concept of love, dividing it into two parts: masculine and feminine.

Masculine: Shared activities, companionship and physical affection. Providing economic and practical help are most important. Love is not dependent on emotion, romance or verbal expressions of love.

Feminine: Open, verbal expression of emotions and affection. Romanticism.

The feminization of love dominates our society, which hurts couples striving to attain this idealization of love. Since men don't express their emotions in the same way, a man may say "I love you" by washing his mate's car or spending quality time with them, but this expression of love goes unrecognized by the female. Additionally, individuals are misled to believe women are more capable of love than men. This difference in conception of love contributes to the reinforcement of gender roles in the U.S., with the belief personal relationships are reserved for women at home and the devaluation of women's love -- chores she does are regarded as work rather than affection.