Daily Reminders

Daily reminders of your single status. No wonder people think being single sucks.

Exhibit A

The Dumbest Woman Alive works in the office of my apartment building. DMA has worked there since I moved in four and a half years ago with my friend from college and Platonic Ex as my roommates. In all this time, DMA and I have maybe said a total of fifteen words to one another.

Last month I received a package so I was forced to communicate with the half-wits in the leasing office. DMA retrieved my package from the locked storage area and as she handed it to me, said, "I haven't seen your boyfriend around lately." Taken aback, I replied, "Oh, well we broke up a long time ago." She said, "You did? I'm sorry to hear that." Considering it took ten times of meeting her for her to recognize me, it shocked me she had put two and two together and recall that I had a boyfriend.

On Friday, I had another lovely encounter with DMA, as I went to pick up the flowers my friend sent me. DMA got this knowing look on her face and said with great enthusiasm, "Flowers? There must be a new man!" So then I had to explain they were from a friend in lieu of losing my dog. It's not like I was sent a dozen roses. Why this sudden interest in my love life? Is this what married people do? Sit around and fantasize about the dating life of single people??

Exhibit B

I received the following email yesterday from a male friend of mine:

Hello all,

I need to know if any of you are in serious relationships. Seating at the wedding will be limited, but we would like to be able to allow those in serious relationships to bring their significant others.

Is this not the most insulting thing you've ever read? Okay, you've probably encountered worse, but it's pretty appalling. While we've drifted apart in the last few years, this is someone I once considered one of my best friends. And the other guys copied on the email (I was the only female) have been friends with him since elementary school so they have even more reason to be offended.

When you receive an invitation to a wedding, it should be an honor. But this makes me feel like I'm an inconvenience to the bride and groom, occupying one of their coveted seats.

I haven't figured out the proper response as of yet. I don't mind going solo, but it's the principle! Really, if I'm not a good enough friend to allow me the courtesy of bringing a guest, why invite me at all? I'd rather not attend thank you.

This has been my favorite response thus far:

"I'm seriously dating a lemur. Can I bring my lemur?"



To think I was actually looking forward to attending their wedding...

On a related note, TheGuy recently received a wedding invitation that was addressed solely to him, with the absence of "+ guest." Has this ever happened to any of you? Is this becoming standard now?

Yet again, single people are made to feel like outcasts. Don't even get me started on Valentine's Day...

Road Maps

Last Saturday I went out for a friend's birthday. Out of eight women, the birthday girl and I were the only single ones. Four were married, two will be married this summer, and of the six, two have babies. More of my friends are married than single these days, but I've never felt so outnumbered. It was quite the reality check.

I never had a date in high school, but at least I wasn't alone. Countless conversations took place between my friend and I about how it didn't matter that we never had boyfriends in high school because we'd go to college where there would be a plethora of smart, eligible men. The latter was true. College was foolproof. Or so I thought. Besides, the dating gods owed me for being forced to sit at home on prom night. But then I never even dated anyone from my college (when I was in school, that is).

I've never understood those women that declare a "cut-off age" for marriage. If I'm not married by the time I'm 26, I'll throw myself off a bridge. That's a hell of a lot of pressure to put upon oneself. Though I never had a timetable, I always kind of figured I'd be married by the time I was 30, but I've come to realize the odds are no longer in my favor. I'd have to date my future husband for at least one year, if not more, and then we'd need a year to plan the wedding. So I basically have 10 months max to meet the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

This is not the end of the world here people. If I'm still single at 30 and by society's standards, that makes me a crazy old cat lady destined to die alone, so be it. I don't need marriage to define me as a person. If it happens, it happens. It won't do any good to force it or have unrealistic expectations.

I finally got around to seeing Juno last weekend. This quote sticks out in my mind, when Juno says to her father: "I need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever."

The Great Condom Debate

For the past week or so, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the topic of buying condoms. It all started when I heard from a few girl friends that their husbands are too embarrassed to buy condoms. Really? A married person?

At lunch a couple weeks ago, I asked Stripes and his friend about it. Now it didn't surprise me that Stripes said he doesn't like buying condoms (he's a shy one), but his friend is really outgoing so I was shocked when he said he hates doing it because he doesn't want other people knowing his "personal business." Particularly when the awkward run-in with a family friend or neighbor occurs. At which point, they both said you shift the items in your basket to hide the paraphernalia.

The only other male opinion I have thus far is TheGuy and he disagreed, saying it wasn't a big deal and that he thought others should consider it perfectly normal for a 28-year-old to be buying condoms. He said he wouldn't feel the need to hide it from people he knew at the store, but he did say it was funny to watch the really young and really old female cashiers become uncomfortable when ringing you up.

Before I started asking around, I kind of figured that most guys would be proud to buy condoms because that meant some girl was actually willing to have sex with them (or at least in hopes of that). I guess I don't have a lot to go on, so if any males wish to share their input, it would be greatly appreciated. Or if any females want to ask the guys they know, I am really curious. I know this is a strange thing to take interest in, but what can I say? I never claimed to be "normal."

Don't Stay Together for the Kids

Sorry, it's a serious one folks...

A few weeks ago, my friend and I got to talking about her parents' divorce. I was surprised to learn she was happy (at thirteen) when her parents, who fought non-stop, announced their divorce. I'd always hoped for the same.

To this day, I'm sometimes haunted by raised voices, slammed doors, and the image of my mother's car peeling around the corner after yet another quarrel with my dad. It was typical marriage disputes -- financial issues, unmet needs, stubborn disagreements and the like. Each time, my dad reassured me and my two younger brothers (the youngest bawling his eyes out) she'd come back, saying, "Where would she go?" He was right. She always returned. In her mind, she had nowhere to go -- desperate housewife trapped in a loveless marriage.

Over the years, she brought up the "D" word time and time again -- vocalized her misery, threatened to leave, and discussed future plans. She'd insist, "This time I'm serious..." Her biggest mistake was dragging us kids into it before it was a done deal. Yet it was always one excuse after another -- after swimming season is over, after your brother graduates high school, after the holidays, etc. In the end, the motto for dysfunctional marriages everywhere overruled: "Stay together for the kids."

I never understood. She had options. There are always options. You make do.

Thirty-one years wed, they're still together -- for better or for worse -- the two individuals who were supposed to set the example of a healthy, loving marriage. Is it wrong of me to feel bitter toward them for robbing me of this?

That is all. I promise "funny" next time.

Why Sex with an Ex?

Did you know there are women out there who solicit ex-boyfriends for sex?!? So I've been told by several male sources. Perhaps you are one of these women. Why? Do you seek out former lovers as a way to avoid adding another notch to your bedpost? My last friend to tell me such a story said when he informed his ex he currently had a girlfriend, she replied, "She doesn't have to know." I've also heard tales of women contacting old boyfriends before their wedding day for one last romp in the sack. Interesting, no?

Marrieds vs. Singles

Lately I've been thinking about how one's marital status affects their friendships. It's only reasonable that married couples would hang out with other marrieds while singles band together (the same logic applies to couples with kids). Naturally, the two groups co-exist, but when they socialize, it seems the marrieds are yawning and checking their cell phones either for the time or to see whether their other half has called if he/she is not present. They generally never make it to bar close and if they do, you probably won't seem them out again for another month.

On the weekends, I can't help but feel nostalgic as I flip through my ever-shrinking list of "going-out" friends on my phone. By default, I gravitate toward my single friends and thus feel closer to them as we bond over booze and banter.

I'm frequently reminded of the fact I wouldn't see my single friends, who happen to be more of acquaintances these days, nearly as often had I been part of the married crowd. Not to say that I don't still enjoy hanging out with my married friends, but it's two completely different worlds.

In recent months, I've witnessed many friendships change, friends of friends included, as more and more people take that next step. Is there a way to lessen the gap between the two groups? Or once you're married, does saying good-bye to your single self mean saying good-bye to your single friends?

Depressed? Get Married.

"A recent study suggests that marriage provides a greater psychological boost to depressed people than to happy people, even if the marriage is so-so."

Interesting article.

"It could be that marriage provides the companionship and emotional support needed to help alleviate depression."

Miscellaneous Musings

I tried my best to make this coherent, but my stream-of-consciousness worked against me, not with me. Sorry for the jumbled ramblings!

No offense to my girl friends, but 9 times out of 10, I prefer hanging out with guys. The atmosphere is just so much more relaxed. In turn, I feel comfortable, there's little forced niceness on my part. It's not catty or judgmental under the surface. You don't hear, "Wow, I really like your shirt," while one is really thinking, "That's the ugliest article of clothing I've ever seen."

Just guys hanging out drinking beer; no walking on eggshells or beating around the bush. I like blunt. I like direct. And I especially like funny. All too often, women fear offending others', namely of the same sex, but guys don't have that problem. It's considered funny to ridicule one another. As an added bonus, when a guy talks, he says exactly what he means.

I'll be the first to admit I miss college and would give anything to go back and do it over again. This time, I'd savor every last second and every time I started to complain about papers or tests, I'd think about how much worse it could be -- wasting away in a cubicle at a mind-numbing job just so I can afford a roof over my head and food in my tummy.

Something I've begun to wonder lately is if it's only natural the 'marrieds' band together and the 'singles' band together. Of course there will always be merging of the two groups, but isn't it more fun for married couples to hang out with other married folk and singles to mingle with singles? As we age, I find it interesting that our status plays such an influential role on our friendships. Ultimately, you may drift apart or grow closer to your married friends based on your own social standing.

But I digress. Severely. Sincere apologies. Saturday night my friend picked me up and we met up with his friends at Brit's. It was refreshing to see familiar faces from the past. Hadn't seen any of them since college. It was nice to catch up, see how people have changed/haven't changed, and lest we forget, reminisce about the good ol' days. They provided many laughs -- good times. :)

This was supposed to be a post about Saturday, but too many elements got my head spinning!

p.s. The staff at Brit's threaten to "pull drinks" at bar close. God, how I would love to see this play out sometime!!

'Life's Short. Get a Divorce.'

At the risk of sounding crass, I like it. I admire the boldness, or "cutting edge" as Corri Fetman, the attorney behind this, refers to it.

The all-female law firm specializing in divorce cases, Fetman, Garland & Associates Ltd., fueled controversy with their Chicago billboard that reads: 'Life's short. Get a Divorce.' The ad shows headless pictures of a buxom woman in a black lace bra and the washboard abs of a man in a white towel.

I roll my eyes when people say it promotes divorce and degrades the institution of marriage when over half the people in this country get divorced. Yes, divorce is traumatic, but a billboard certainly isn't going to be the deciding factor in seeking a divorce.

Fetman defends her ad by saying, "If you're unhappy, that life is too short to continue in an unhappy marriage, those images provide hope."

Strategically placed, the billboard faces "Viagra Triangle," known for its' trendy single scene. There are plans in the works for similar ads, another to hit the "Gold Coast" neighborhood with glitzy nightlife.



The media uses sex appeal to advertise everything under the sun, why stop at divorce??