Why Sex with an Ex?

Did you know there are women out there who solicit ex-boyfriends for sex?!? So I've been told by several male sources. Perhaps you are one of these women. Why? Do you seek out former lovers as a way to avoid adding another notch to your bedpost? My last friend to tell me such a story said when he informed his ex he currently had a girlfriend, she replied, "She doesn't have to know." I've also heard tales of women contacting old boyfriends before their wedding day for one last romp in the sack. Interesting, no?

Miscellaneous Musings

I tried my best to make this coherent, but my stream-of-consciousness worked against me, not with me. Sorry for the jumbled ramblings!

No offense to my girl friends, but 9 times out of 10, I prefer hanging out with guys. The atmosphere is just so much more relaxed. In turn, I feel comfortable, there's little forced niceness on my part. It's not catty or judgmental under the surface. You don't hear, "Wow, I really like your shirt," while one is really thinking, "That's the ugliest article of clothing I've ever seen."

Just guys hanging out drinking beer; no walking on eggshells or beating around the bush. I like blunt. I like direct. And I especially like funny. All too often, women fear offending others', namely of the same sex, but guys don't have that problem. It's considered funny to ridicule one another. As an added bonus, when a guy talks, he says exactly what he means.

I'll be the first to admit I miss college and would give anything to go back and do it over again. This time, I'd savor every last second and every time I started to complain about papers or tests, I'd think about how much worse it could be -- wasting away in a cubicle at a mind-numbing job just so I can afford a roof over my head and food in my tummy.

Something I've begun to wonder lately is if it's only natural the 'marrieds' band together and the 'singles' band together. Of course there will always be merging of the two groups, but isn't it more fun for married couples to hang out with other married folk and singles to mingle with singles? As we age, I find it interesting that our status plays such an influential role on our friendships. Ultimately, you may drift apart or grow closer to your married friends based on your own social standing.

But I digress. Severely. Sincere apologies. Saturday night my friend picked me up and we met up with his friends at Brit's. It was refreshing to see familiar faces from the past. Hadn't seen any of them since college. It was nice to catch up, see how people have changed/haven't changed, and lest we forget, reminisce about the good ol' days. They provided many laughs -- good times. :)

This was supposed to be a post about Saturday, but too many elements got my head spinning!

p.s. The staff at Brit's threaten to "pull drinks" at bar close. God, how I would love to see this play out sometime!!

Mean Girls

Dating back to fifth grade slumber parties, I recall a period where my friends and I went through this beauty pageant phase. We'd take turns playing the host while everyone else would participate as beauty queen contestants. We never went so far to do a swimsuit competition, but we'd dress up, make fools of ourselves with silly talents and answer questions such as, "How would you make the world a better place?"

In the end, the host would be responsible for crowning a winner. At the time, we all laughed it off as no big deal, but the truth of the matter was, it was a big deal! How could you not feel disappointed when you weren't crowned the prettiest?

Our friend, Susan, was heavy-set with curly, strawberry-blonde hair, freckles and glasses. Her physical appearance made her the butt of all jokes. When we held these contests, the rest of us pitied her, really. We'd conspire behind her back when we felt as though it was "her turn" to win. I don't think she ever caught on, but she was at a clear disadvantage. Or at least, in our minds she was. We made awful wisecracks, not to her face, that reflected more than her appearance. We ridiculed her intelligence, her lame jokes and her wardrobe.

Susan went to a different school the following year, so the target simply moved to another friend. We greased her locker with vaseline, wrote her a love letter from a "secret admirer" and spent hours on the phone gossiping behind her back. We even came up with inside jokes she wasn't a part of with the sole purpose of excluding her.

Over the years, I find that not much has changed from my pageant days. Ever wonder why women go to the bathroom in groups? Womens' public restrooms serve as the breeding ground for all juicy gossip. Those bathroom walls know all!

I'm not naive. I know I've had my fair share of nasty things said about me behind my back. In fact, there are times I hesitate to leave a room full of girl friends for fear of what will be said when I depart. If paranoia sets in, you can always cup your ear to the door, as one of my college friends did, appalled when she heard, "What smells worse? 'Boy' or vanilla?" 'Boy' referring to the sleep smell of her boyfriend and vanilla being the scent of her body spray.

As I've said, I partake in this despicable behavior. If I'm going to hell, so be it. Yet I find myself asking why. I fail to come up with a good answer. Does it chalk up to insecurity, jealousy, validation? All of the above? I'm not proud of myself. On the contrary, it's shameful. And it bewilders me. Just trying to be honest and seek understanding. Why do women act in this manner?

'Fat Talk' Brings Women Together

"Females like to support one another and fat talk elicits support."

In order to fit in and be well-liked by other women, females feel pressure to insult their own body as a way to bond with other women. It sounds perverse, doesn't it?

For as much as men think about sex, women are concerned with weight. When a group of women get together, the topic of weight is almost guaranteed to come up in one form or another. A woman, even if she is perfectly content with her body, may feel inclined to degrade part of her body to converse with other women. Negative criticism builds a support system for females to easily identify with and allows them to openly discuss their insecurities regarding their bodies.

It turns a negative thing such as poor body image into a positive for female relationships. The supportive element truly kicks in when one female turns to her friend and asks, "does this make me look fat?" The supportive friend then reassures her she looks fabulous and may then want to take the opportunity to steer the conversation to her own flabby arms.

This reminds me of a scene from the movie, Mean Girls, where the girls stand before a mirror, nitpicking their appearances.

Karen: God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Regina: My pores are huge.
Karen: My nail beds suck.
[pause. All look at Cady]
Cady: I have really bad breath in the morning.
Karen: Ew!

As newcomer to the group, born and raised in Africa, Cady quickly learns it is a social expectation for a female to criticize herself while in cohorts of her gal pals.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: women highly seek the approval of other women. In large part, I believe it is because women are much more critical than men. Since they are aware of all the trash talking women are capable of, it gives them reason to be paranoid of other females' opinions.

While weight is the biggest issue for females (no pun intended), obsession with overall physical appearance is not uncommon. Particularly with the prevalence of plastic surgery these days, from nose jobs to botox to collagen injections, it seems no matter what we do, we will never be perfectly content with our appearance. A contributing factor is celebrities with the means to fork over a bundle of cash to fix their flaw(s). We constantly see airbrushed pictures of women with seemingly perfect bodies generate feelings of dissatisfaction and inadequacy.

So while you don't want to be labeled the conceited woman with the perfect body, you also want to be careful not to overdo it and wind up the "woman who cried fat" (especially if you are rail-thin), in a desperate attempt for attention, for both types of women may find themselves with no support system.

It is odd, is it not??