Dating? What's That?

"Are you dating?"

An acquaintance inquired over the weekend. Why did this question instantaneously strike a nerve?

"No," I scoffed, "I haven't been on a date since my last relationship."

Going on 7 months now.

"Are you looking?" she asked.

Okay, now I felt worse. Why should I feel ashamed?

"Define 'looking.'"

I know she asked out of curiosity, not to shame me, but why must there always be pressure to date, get married, and have babies? If it's not one thing, it's another. If I'd said I were "looking" would one take that to mean, sure, I'd love a boyfriend right now, but there haven't been any takers, i.e., single is synonymous with rejected loser.

It's easy to see why some prefer to jump from one relationship to the next, in an effort to skip over the pain from the last break-up by replacing it with a new relationship. But how can that be healthy or wise? What's the point of moving on if you haven't taken the time to reflect on lessons learnt?

If a seemingly promising opportunity for a date presented itself, I wouldn't decline, but I feel little desire to dive back into the dating pool. At this point, I prefer to stick near dry land, wading in the shallow end, steering clear of potentially shark-infested water. I'd much rather slowly ease back into dating.

Lately I've felt like there must be something wrong with me for not moving on. Those who move on and get back "out there" are praised while those who take their time getting over a break-up are pitied. Why? I'm not sitting around pining over my old boyfriend or wallowing in sorrow. Yes, there was a transition period, but after a four-year relationship, I'll never take my single life for granted again. Eventually, I'll swim out to the point where I can no longer touch bottom, but for now, I'm in no rush. Even if society tells me otherwise.