Ex Factor

I just finished looking at MySpace pictures of my ex-boyfriend so I came to vent. First off, I should clarify which ex I speak of (there's only three). He was my first boyfriend, the one I cared about most. He's getting married November 3rd to a 25-year-old who registered for a doggy stroller. Perhaps they'll take one of their four cats for a spin as well.

He and I haven't spoken in two and a half years because it just got to be too hard. And complicated. So I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore and stuck to my word. When I ran into his brother at the bar a few months ago, I considered getting in touch with him but never did. Though I was tempted when I heard what he was marrying into.

My biggest consolation is knowing his brother (who I always thought hated me) said he thought I would have been a better match. Ever since that fateful night, his brother and I have been friends on MySpace and he recently posted pics from the bachelor party he threw for his little bro. It looked totally lame. I love how they are doing shots out of hotel coffee mugs. But my ex looks cute. He always does. Even without his trademark sideburns.

Then I went to his fiancée’s MySpace page and saw she posted new pics of her trial make-up and hair. Uh, it looks like she's got a crazy old aunt who flunked out of cosmetology school. The bride-to-be looks old but not in a good way. A pair of mom jeans would complement her hair and make-up. She'd be better off with NO makeup and hair down.

There were also photos from the bridal shower. I hate the formality of showers and weddings, but for a split second, I tried to imagine what food my mom would serve at my shower and what kind of dorky games would I be forced to play.

I couldn't help but put myself in her place and wonder what I would be feeling if I were the one marrying him in a few short weeks. I would be nervous and anxiety-ridden about things going according to plan for the wedding, but I believe I would be happy and doubt-free in regard to him.

I haven't dwelled on his upcoming nuptials as much as I thought I would but a picture's worth a thousand words. I already had the visual of her engagement ring thanks to MySpace and now I'm haunted by an image of her standing beside her "future mother-in-law" (albeit a very nice woman but a tad overbearing to say the least). Also her captions make me want to vomit. Beneath a photo of him guzzling a pitcher of beer: "CHUG IT BABY!"

After the big day has come and gone, you'll find me glued to MySpace scrutinizing every last detail of the event including how her bridesmaid dresses weren't the most flattering color and how her veil looked cheap just like her freebie make-up job.

I'm thinking I should throw a party that day...