Breathing Room

Some of you have been wondering what happened to TheGuy. He's still in the picture but nothing has changed. He comes over every Thursday and we order pizza (it's a delicacy in this household where freezer-burnt Eggo's constitutes a meal, we can't all cook!) and watch The Office but that's the extent of an update. I haven't seen him much the past couple weeks because I had the marathon and he went out of town for our college's Homecoming last weekend.

We talk every day online. I have to admit it feels like we're dating but I avoid the subject because I don't know what I want. When we first started hooking up, I was on the rebound so I figured that one or both of us would eventually start dating someone else and make a clean break. I certainly never imagined it would drag on this long with no talk of boundaries or level of commitment.

But I kind of like it this way, with him. There's less pressure and little to no expectations means fewer disappointments. We don't have dates planned out weeks in advance and we're not obligated to spend Saturday nights with one another. There's more breathing room. The thing is, I don't know if I'm ready for the emotional investment a serious relationship requires. And if I were to jump into something prematurely, it wouldn't be fair to the other person.

Granted, I'm not dating anyone else nor do I have any intention of doing so. If I heard he went on a date, I'd be livid and probably never speak to him again. Surely, I'm in deeper than I realize so I'll be kicking myself later. With each passing day, it becomes more and more pathetic that I fail to have the "where is this going" discussion, but it's so much easier not to. I'm content now. What if it all goes to shit after our talk?

In addition to all that, there's also the lingering possibility he may be leaving the country to teach English.