Ex & The City

Spoke with Platonic Ex last evening and learned my call to him the previous day went unanswered because he was having a four hour phone conversation (cut short due to his phone dying) with his ex. Given the circumstances, it doesn't really seem appropriate to make a wisecrack about her weight, but for the sake of referential purposes, it's the same chubby girl with no fashion sense.

Believe it not, I grew to like the girl despite never having met her. Through what I know, not only is she extremely bright, motivated, and adventurous, she could easily drink me under the table. Excellent. I thought they were good together. But eventually her extreme partying grew old for Platonic Ex -- the guy who once wrapped himself in a humongous roll of bubble wrap while eating cottage cheese three months past its' expiration date. Don't ask. There are plenty more equally stomach-churning stories where that came from.

You may recall his ex was the one who broke it off with him. Well, she wants him back in the worst way and can't have him. It's hard to get a straight answer from him but when I asked why he said he's not in love with her and "couldn't imagine waking up next to her every morning." About a month ago, he hung out with her with the intention of not sleeping with her. How do I put this delicately? He's a guy. Need I say more? So now he's the asshole who used her because he had no intention of getting back together with her. Yeah, not a smart move on his part.

Now she's saying she loved him before and began loving him even more after that they broke up. So much so, it's too difficult for her to be in the same state so she's moving to San Francisco. They both have jobs where they travel extensively and yet she can't handle six days out of the month knowing he's a short drive away. Man, it's not even my relationship and I feel sorry for the poor girl. Love sucks.

In case you any of you were wondering, Platonic Ex has continued keep in touch with the stalker he met on Facebook. In yet another wise move, he slept with her on the second date, though he found her utterly annoying. The calls, emails, IMs are relentless. On her end. Doesn’t she know? You’re supposed to wait ‘til the third date to give it up. Perhaps I should loan her my copy of this:

Single Self vs. Relationship Self

One thing I struggle with is not wanting to lose my independence in a relationship. Is it possible to be with someone and not lose a part of yourself? I don't believe so. You give up your freedom (to make out with random boys/girls). You make room in your life for this person. You factor them into decisions on a daily basis. You make compromises. You make promises. You do your best not to break said promises. You love. You trust. You share. Your capacity to do these things grows. You forgive.

After Platonic Ex and I broke up, I shut down emotionally. The thought of going through the whole process with someone else was unfathomable. Yet on the plus side, it was liberating to have my single life back. It took me a while to get back into the swing of things i.e., going out and partying every weekend, but as it turns out, it's like riding a bicycle.

Unfortunately, I can tell I've begun to shift from my rockstar lifestyle and it saddens me. I miss crazy late-night shopping cart shenanigans with GC and C-Sharp. While I still try to go out at least once a weekend, it's just not the same. And as more of my friends say "I do", the sadder it gets. Once a friend gets engaged, you see less and less of them. And once they're married, well, you see them at showers, weddings, and funerals. Keep in mind I'm speaking generally. Yes, I have married friends whom I still hang out with, but I can't help but long for the carefree days of college when everyone's first priority was which party to attend this weekend as opposed to what color should the table centerpiece be.

Baby Got Back

If you've been around a while, you may recall that I went off on my ex's new girlfriend of behemoth proportions. That wasn't very nice of me. I suffered bloggers' remorse the following day. In all seriousness, she's no beached whale, but she could stand to lose a few pounds. You know, step on the scale and subtract fifteen. Kidding. Sort of.

My ex and I remain on "good" terms so we still "talk" which generally consists of me belitting his existence and nitpicking his flaws as he goes on the defensive, much like the good old days when we were a couple. The other day he informed me his girlfriend said she's gained 20 pounds since she began hanging out with him. Chunky-rific.

Let's go over the facts. When he and I were dating, I quit working out for two years. Soon after he was out of the picture, I joined Lifetime Fitness, started running again, and completed a marathon.

It's the freshmen fifteen of relationships. Make sure you take a before and after pic.