One Step Away From Jerry Springer

I've got an update on Curly Sue. Surely, this will come as a surprise to...no one. Last weekend she was enjoying a peaceful afternoon at home when a strange woman walked into her home saying she was looking for Douchebag Husband. Well, it didn't take long for Curly Sue to fit together the pieces of the oh-so-mysterious puzzle. Turns out, Douchebag Husband has been sleeping with this woman for a year now (she claims to have no knowledge he was married) so Curly Sue told her, "Hey, this man has no job, no money, no car. You can have him."

For everyone's sake, let's hope she goes through with the divorce this time.

Curly Sue remains pessimistic about the odds of Boris leaving his wife, but hey, this could be a whole new ballgame now that she's a single woman on the prowl. Meow!!

Heating Up

Curly Sue and Boris' torrid love affair is full-blown. And they're not very covert. With the heavy flirting and frequent visits, everyone (including their bosses) has their suspicions.

I was told, "Boris is in love with Curly Sue." My take: Boris is a control freak. He texts her when he gets up in the morning, when he leaves for work, and then he calls and talks to her during the commute to work, and calls her work phone once she gets to her desk in the morning. They have lunch together every day so I'm sure there are more calls/IM's/visits in between. Then the calls and texts start all over again when he leaves work for the day.

Curly Sue gave everyone quite a scare yesterday. She and her co-workers went to a Chinese place for lunch that served seafood. Seeing as how she's allergic to seafood, she didn't order any, but the restaurant must have cooked her food in the same pan or something, for she had a serious allergic reaction that called for the use of an EpiPen and emergency trip to the doctor. Thankfully, she was okay, but her boss ordered her to go home and rest for the day.

One guess as to who gave her a ride home. Yes, indeed. Curly Sue, her husband, and Boris spent the afternoon together. How awkward would that be?!? Apparently, Boris and Curly Sue's husband have met before when they've gone out to a bar, but STILL. It's only a matter of time...

Oh, and when I asked why Curly Sue's husband didn't pick her up, I learned they share one car and there's a good possibility he's not even a licensed driver because he got a DUI and I highly doubt he paid the $600 to get his license re-instated. It's not like he has a job he needs to get to!

All About the Drama

Just as I'd hoped, things got a helluva lot more interesting 'round here. I found out why Curly Sue was in tears earlier this week. Last Friday after work, Curly Sue and Boris went to Buffalo Wild Wings where the spicy wings beer worked as an aphrodisiac and they ended up getting a hotel room. Scandalous! Apparently there had been one kiss that took place prior to that, but that was all the further it had gone.

So it turns out Boris is indeed happily married, contrary to the evidence, and has told Curly Sue he wishes he would've met her before his wife. However, Boris also claims to feel no remorse. Strange, no? I'm not sure where Curly Sue stands, but perhaps this will make her realize she married a loser. You know, since being married for a year, half of which they spent separated and drawing up divorce papers over him concealing financial debt didn't seem to do the trick.

One has no regret and one has a deadbeat husband. What do you think the odds are of this being a one-time thing?

I Hope She's Got Pepper Spray in Her Desk

There's a girl who works a few cubes away from me, we'll call her Curly Sue, who was rumored to be crying at her desk the other day. Curly Sue is twenty-five and married to a deadbeat husband. When Curly Sue first started here, she and her husband were separated so she was living with one of her best friends. Five months down the line, Curly Sue and her husband reconciled and she moved back in with him.

Deadbeat Douche is unemployed and sits at home all day while she puts in a full day and then goes directly from here to her second job as a hair stylist. While she spends her weekends trimming mullets at the local salon, he spends his chugging beers at the local bar or passed out on the living room sofa.

I'm not close with Curly Sue but I make it my business to know the personal affairs of others, even complete strangers are at risk. Apparently Curly Sue is distraught because she and another guy at work, Boris, also married, have strong feelings for one another. Boris works in a different building but his visits with Curly Sue seem to be a daily occurrence these days.

As an outsider looking in, the situation is crystal clear. One has a job and one doesn't. But I know, I know. For poor Curly Sue, love is blind. I don't know whether Boris and his wife are happily married, but I'm hoping for some major inter-office drama to unfold in the very near future. Not that I want to advocate infidelity, but hey, this just happens to be the most exciting thing to happen around here since Deborah described her method for lying down perfectly flat on her bed in order to button her fly.