Leprosy

1.) I passed by one of my old bosses in the hallway at work last week and his eyes went directly to my "hickey." I'm sure he was thinking, what a 'ho.

2.) TheGuy is scared to touch me with a ten foot pole, as half his body has been covered in poison ivy and got to the point where he had to take steroids.

3.) I'm forced to wear a Band-Aid on my neck in public to hide my scarlet A. Somehow I ended up at the bar last night looking like a lesbian (explanatory post to follow).

4.) My mom just told me it looks like I have a hickey and then told me the story of how she gave my dad a hickey on his nose soon after they were married.

Excuse me while I vomit.

If Only it were a Hickey

Is it possible to get poison ivy in winter? YES.

"Urushiol is the chemical in poison ivy plants that causes the typical allergic reaction and symptoms of poison ivy rashes. Urushiol is found in the leaves, stems, and roots of poison ivy plants, which means that you can get a rash even in the winter, when a plant has lost all of its leaves."

For those who have never had it, allow me to share my misery.

Day 1: You may notice one or two small dots, or red, irritated skin. If you touch it, it will spread.

Day 2: Extreme, constant urge to itch.

Day 3: Inflamed area becomes painful.

Day 4: Tiny blisters form, producing puss and yellow ooze.

Day 5: Infected area begins to dry. Flaky skin to follow.

Day 6: See below.



Note: While there may be more sensitive areas to get poison ivy, the neck is not an ideal location as it closely resembles what appears to be a hickey. Unfortunately, turtlenecks and concealer are not your friend in this case, for they will only magnify the problem. And it takes far longer for a poison ivy rash to go away than a love-bite.

No Hankie? No Problem!

Ok, ok. I'm left with no choice but to blog since MD refused to believe me when I said "maybe I would."

The other day over my lunch break, I made a special trip to Target to pick up a few miscellaneous items. As I made my way to the front door, careful to avoid piles of newly acquired snow mixed with slush, I noticed a man of medium build in a black stocking cap shoveling the snow along the curb. He paused for a moment, set the shovel to one side, and lifted the bottom of his long-sleeved cotton tee and blew his nose directly INTO it. Believe you me, this was no wipe of the sleeve. We're talking a full-on blow with the appropriate sound effects and all.

I don't know what kind of household this man was raised in, but when has it ever been socially acceptable to use your shirt as a kleenex?!? To make matters worse, I saw him again beside the cart corral as I was heading to my car, fifty dollars poorer than when I arrived, and there was a wet spot the size of a softball on the bottom right corner of his grey shirt.