Ex & The City

Spoke with Platonic Ex last evening and learned my call to him the previous day went unanswered because he was having a four hour phone conversation (cut short due to his phone dying) with his ex. Given the circumstances, it doesn't really seem appropriate to make a wisecrack about her weight, but for the sake of referential purposes, it's the same chubby girl with no fashion sense.

Believe it not, I grew to like the girl despite never having met her. Through what I know, not only is she extremely bright, motivated, and adventurous, she could easily drink me under the table. Excellent. I thought they were good together. But eventually her extreme partying grew old for Platonic Ex -- the guy who once wrapped himself in a humongous roll of bubble wrap while eating cottage cheese three months past its' expiration date. Don't ask. There are plenty more equally stomach-churning stories where that came from.

You may recall his ex was the one who broke it off with him. Well, she wants him back in the worst way and can't have him. It's hard to get a straight answer from him but when I asked why he said he's not in love with her and "couldn't imagine waking up next to her every morning." About a month ago, he hung out with her with the intention of not sleeping with her. How do I put this delicately? He's a guy. Need I say more? So now he's the asshole who used her because he had no intention of getting back together with her. Yeah, not a smart move on his part.

Now she's saying she loved him before and began loving him even more after that they broke up. So much so, it's too difficult for her to be in the same state so she's moving to San Francisco. They both have jobs where they travel extensively and yet she can't handle six days out of the month knowing he's a short drive away. Man, it's not even my relationship and I feel sorry for the poor girl. Love sucks.

In case you any of you were wondering, Platonic Ex has continued keep in touch with the stalker he met on Facebook. In yet another wise move, he slept with her on the second date, though he found her utterly annoying. The calls, emails, IMs are relentless. On her end. Doesn’t she know? You’re supposed to wait ‘til the third date to give it up. Perhaps I should loan her my copy of this: