Well, Now What?

Because I'm a sneaky person, who knows the nature of their kind better than one of their own? I've always had subtle indicators and gut feelings that TheGuy is very similar to me in that regard. My suspicions were confirmed this weekend. Friday night TheGuy and I had date night. We grabbed dinner downtown and went to see The Bank Job. The next morning, we got up and enjoyed a lazy afternoon, as we do, lounging on the couch watching TV, ordering food, and perusing the internets.

He spent some time looking at his usual websites. In particular, there are three or four video game forums he regularly posts on and visits daily. I lump all the websites into one by referring to it as "dork.com." Mistakenly for him, he also decided to check his Gmail, Facebook, and MySpace on my computer. I believe he was wary about doing so prior to discovering my stalker side. By the grace of God, or more likely of the two, my laptop battery running out of juice and consequently shutting down my computer, he forgot to log out of all three.

When I plugged my computer back in, I went to the Google homepage and noticed his email address in the upper right-hand corner. Seeing as how I'd planned to check my Gmail, I quickly put that plan on the back burner and went on to check the Big Brother sites I frequent. Thankfully, he didn't check dork.com one last time before he left. Not two seconds after his departure, I made a beeline for the computer. Somewhere in this timeline, I did stop for a moment and think about the fact that maybe I would find something I'd rather not know.

For instance, a while back, I found a weird outgoing text message he'd sent to his friend about participating in some sort of contest with his ex. Obviously it wasn't incriminating enough to bring it up or even be upset by it, but after that, I resisted the urge to check his phone every chance I got. I realized that by seeing that message, it had done me no good other than got me speculating over something I would never know the answer to. And I talk to Platonic Ex almost daily so I could never be upset over someone being friends with their ex. I still wish I knew what kind of contest it was though...

Anyway, after the last time I saw that email about the girl I went to college with, LP, I knew I'd be ridden with regret if I failed to do a follow-up check when the opportunity arose. And it turns out my instincts were right. TheGuy and LP exchange emails pretty regularly. I had to skim but from what I saw, the subject matter was everyday stuff. However there was one email where he was asking her to do something. "Not too sound too overeager, but is there any day next week that works for you to hang out? The only days I do have something going on is Tueday and Wednesday." She wrote back and said the only day that worked for her was Tuesday. She didn't offer any other days to do something.

It's evident to me she's doing her best to gently blow him off by the length and tone of her emails. His are really long and use proper capitalization and punctuation whereas hers are much shorter and no uppercase letters to be found. Minor detail, I know, but isn't life about the minor details?

Things really got interesting when I looked at his sent messages. There was one to a friend of his titled "The Plan" where TheGuy asked his friend why he hadn't come up with a plan yet like he said he would for TheGuy to get this girl that hung around her ex bf all the time. His friend's advice was to be "the nice guy." Yeah, that should seal the deal! Here's where another part of the story comes into play. I didn't exactly know LP in college but I knew of her. And I knew of her boyfriend who she apparently dated for like 4 years. Ever since I realized TheGuy had hung out with LP, I've been regularly stalking her Facebook page. Her page and that of her ex-boyfriend. He had been dating some other girl but a couple weeks ago, his relationship status changed to non-existent and all pics of him and his former flame were removed.

Meanwhile, LP has posted messages on her ex-boyfriend's wall. And you can just tell she wants to get back together with him. Apparently, he watched her cat one weekend so she thanked him for that and talked about that and just this past weekend, they attended some concert together. In the last few days, her relationship status which previously said "single" has now been completely removed from her profile. Typically when people do this it's when they're in the "in-between" stage where they're not "officially" together yet. So my guess is it won't be long before both their profiles say "in a relationship with [insert appropriate name]."

Freaked out after this discovery, I immediately elicited the advice of friends and in the process, successfully draining the battery of my cell phone. My friends told me I should NOT tell TheGuy I looked at his email. Good thing I called them first, for my initial reaction was to do just that, but I held off until I had the proper time to weigh all my options.

Saturday night came and as I suspected, I received two texts and one phone call from TheGuy saying he was going out with some friends and asking if he could crash at my place. I ignored the texts and call, and then fifteen minutes later, I got a text that said, "Ok, well I am planning on it, so let me know if it is a problem." My passive aggressive response was to do nothing. I'm not easily angered or rattled, but when I am, I have to act impulsively or my rage begins to fade. Letting all that time pass between the email and going out time (approximately 8 hours) definitely released some of those feelings of resentment. As much as I wanted to blow him off, a part of me has grown so accustomed to our usual routine of going out separately with our friends and then passing out drunk together at my place that I didn't want to give that up just yet. So I let him come over. I was sober, he was drunk, but it would've been interesting had I been drunk because the chances I would've sort of accidentally brought up the email would have been high. We ate pizza and watched The Office until he began to pass out.

On Sunday, I went home for Easter and he went to brunch with his sister. After I got done with Easter, I was bored so I asked if he wanted to go see Horton Hears a Who since that had been our equally alternate Friday night movie option. Pretty cute movie by the way. Then we just hung out at his house. He'd done some digging and found the book Catcher in the Rye for me because he almost fell over backward in his chair when he realized I was an English major who'd never read it (along with other classics).

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. I was all set to break up with him but then I missed that window of opportunity while I was riled up. Either way, I've known this relationship was doomed from the start. It didn't start off in the most traditional way and while we've had our ups and downs, I've been on the fence throughout the whole thing. I enjoy spending time with him but I am not in love with him nor do I feel that it would happen anytime soon. I have never doubted the fact that there are others out there with whom I'd be more compatible with. I am guessing he feels the same way about me. I have to admit I felt a sense of relief after finding this out because it gave me a strong valid reason not to pursue things further. In a way, that's what I was looking for: a sign one way or the other.

Yet I also can be the typical girl who only dwells on the good parts of the relationship when it comes to the breaking-up part. I'm not cut out for breaking up with people even if I know it's for the better. Mostly I hate losing the devoted companionship you once had, and then having to fill that newfound void in your life. For now, I guess I am toying with my abundance of options (I've got a few in mind) which could most certainly blow up in my face, but what does it matter now?

In an attempt to make myself feel better, I texted that Jason guy when I was out on Saturday and found myself at the same bar where we met. He texted back right away and said that unfortunately, he was in Milwaukee for the weekend. We exchanged a few more texts and then he said we should text one another next time we're both out. Still no recollection of what he looks like since I was wearing full-on beer goggles. If we ever meet up, I'll have to request he wear a Hello, My Name Is name tag so I can identify him. And if he turns out to be ugly as hell, it will make for good blogging.

Imaginary Line in the Sand

The post that was long overdue...

I'm going to refrain from sharing the details of my friend's wedding. It'd be different if it were my own, but since it's not, it isn't really my place. That being said, I will say this: the ceremony was beautiful, the bride stunning, and the reception looked amazing.

Now on to the sensationalized details of what is a very dull life. Prior to the ceremony, I kept checking my phone to see if TheGuy had decided to bail at the last minute. He'd mentioned not feeling well the day before so I thought perhaps he was setting up some sort of alibi. No such text arrived but I never saw TheGuy or Platonic Ex during the ceremony. Afterwards, I received confirmation through a mutual friend that Platonic Ex did indeed attend (he was rumored to be a no-show) and that was followed by an ambiguous text from TheGuy letting me know he was on his way to the reception.

When we arrived at the reception, I immediately saw TheGuy talking to my dad. Unfortunately for him, that was the only person he knew aside from the bride and one of the fellow bridesmaids. I went up to say hello, quickly spotting my mom chatting up Platonic Ex and his good friend RWD nearby. Not five minutes later, leave it to dear old Mom to make an uncomfortable situation worse by leading Platonic Ex over to us and saying, "TheGuy, have you met Platonic Ex?" This goes down as one of the most awkward moments of my life. They shook hands and Platonic Ex said, "We've actually met before." TheGuy said, "Oh? We have?" To my knowledge, the two hadn't met, but it's certainly possible. Back in college, we went to parties hosted by TheGuy and his roommates which Platonic Ex very well may have gone to with us, but I don't recall such an introduction being made.

I don't know what all my mom said throughout the evening (my friends probably spared me the humiliation), but I do know she gave Platonic Ex a long, sappy spiel about how he'd been a part of our family for four years and that he's always welcome in her home. Even going so far as to say, "No matter what time of day. I don't care if it's 3 in the morning -- you know how to get in our house." And then she was lamenting the travesty of our breakup to the parents of my friends. That was a year ago Mom -- get over it!

Though I never uttered the words, everyone assumed TheGuy was my boyfriend and I heard, "This is WTP's boyfriend" tossed around on more than one occasion. And I never bothered to correct anyone. What would I say? Actually, we're dating but we haven't reached that stage yet.

An old friend from my days of waitressing put me on the spot when she turned to me and TheGuy and said, "So how long have you guys been dating?" Dead silence. She continued, "You've been dating a long time, right?" I shook my head and was quick to reply, "No." Then I added, "You're probably thinking of my ex-boyfriend," whom I was dating during the year and a half we worked together. But she said, "Nooo. So how long has it been?" I turned to TheGuy who flashed a stupid smirk so I knew I was on my own. Maybe part of him was curious to see what I would say. I finally said, "A few months." I think it was several months ago that we actually started going on dates. I don't know where she got the idea we'd been dating for a long time, but "a few months' seemed to satisfy her that he was indeed "the guy I'd been dating for a 'long' time." I still say she was confused.

It was blatantly obvious Platonic Ex and RWD were segregated from the rest of "our group" all evening. They were seated on the opposite side of the room and they stayed on that side for most of the night. Once the majority of guests had cleared out, they eventually moved to seats beside the dance floor and I danced with RWD for a song. After the reception, the remaining crew headed to a dive bar across the street where the segregation took place yet again: us versus them. Knowing my date's presence was the reason they couldn't socialize with the rest of us made me feel terribly guilty so TheGuy and I left early.

In talking to my friend the next day, she reported that as soon as we left, Platonic Ex and RWD made their way to the rest of the group, which is exactly what I knew would happen. What I never would have predicted, however, is that Platonic Ex told my friend ever so matter-of-factly there was an 80% chance he and I would get back together. I've had days to process this and still have no idea what led him to this conclusion. It was good to see him, but it ends there. Perhaps he was just reeling from a recent falling-out with his girlfriend. I guess he told everyone he got on her last nerve while they vacationed overseas during the holidays.

No More White After Labor Day

I've returned from a weekend up north with the parents. Note: I first went to write "'rents" but just couldn't do it. It would've flowed better, but that term is so cheesy.

The weekend got off to a great start. I got up Saturday morning and had the best run of my life. It was about 9 1/2 - 10 miles, but I never tired or slowed. In fact, I picked up speed, which isn't uncommon for me, but I gained a great deal of momentum around the 7 mile mark. And I never felt better. The only thing that stopped me from going further was the fear my parents would send out a search party if I wasn't back in the amount of time I said it would take. I also had to tell them the path I planned on following in case I was attacked by a black bear or something! I swear, they still see me as 12 years old.

The weather was beautiful -- we couldn't have asked for better. Thanks to lazy weekends at the Lifetime pool, I have a wonderful tan this year. I can't remember the last time I was this tan. This past weekend only added to my golden brown base. I spent the majority of it soaking up cancerous, UV rays on the dock and floating on a tube in the water while Brody was busy going after minnows. He began employing a new tactic of standing still, staring down into the water, and then as soon as he sees movement, pounces.

I also finished Something Borrowed and got some writing done so that gave me a sense of accomplishment. My dad and I went fishing and caught some pan fish. I'm a girly-girl, but I LOVE fishing and camping and outdoor activities as well.

Things didn't take a turn for the worse until Sunday night when my mom and I got into it yet again. I don't know what's up with her lately, but she has not been herself. She's been ornery and bitter and hostile to everyone. It was evident all weekend so I finally let it be known Sunday before dinner when she snapped at me and told me to quit asking her stupid questions when I'd only been inquiring about the segway tour she'd taken about a month ago. I told her she'd been mean and condescending all weekend, which she denied and when she asked my dad if he agreed, he told her she'd been "angry." She then refused to eat supper, saying to my dad, "enjoy your daughter" as she pouted upstairs and decided to take off at 7:30 pm to drive the four hours back home.

That was fine by me. I had plans to meet up with TheGuy that evening. Both up north at our cabins, we met in a town that happens to be a twenty-minute drive for both of us, coming from opposite directions. When we made arrangements to meet, I found it amusing that with no cell phone signals, we had to communicate the old-fashioned way, through the LAN line -- no text messaging or caller ID. When he called my cabin, no one was home so he had to leave a message on the answering machine. Then when I returned his call, his mom answered, I had to ask for him, she had to notify him, he picked up, and then we had to wait for his mom to hang up. It most definitely reminded me of junior high when you would call a guy's house and cross your fingers that his mom or dad wouldn't answer the phone. Oh, how times have changed!

TheGuy and I met at an ice cream parlor called Frosty's -- it's sort of legendary up there. It's tradition for my family to go there every trip. We got ice cream (my second one for the day) and walked around the town -- mind you, "town" consists of one block. Then we headed over to a playground we spotted nearby. I was really disappointed there was no tire swing, for I have a reputation for being a good tire swing pusher. However, we swung on the regular swings and he pushed me on another swing that was a circular disk attached to a knotted rope. Never too old for playgrounds, right?

We then crossed back to the other side of this stream and went to the only bar/restaurant in town, Patrick's with a four-leaf clover as the apostrophe in the name. We talked and had a few beers. He had Summit and made fun of my Miller Lite. Yeah, not much of beer drinker, but it seemed appropriate for the venue. Our beers were a whopping $2 each.

I've eaten at Patrick's many a time with my family so it was quite different to be drinking late at night there. That was a first and interesting experience for me. Our bartender was borderline creepy and kept muttering things to himself, or if he was talking to us, we couldn't understand him. For some reason, the last hour we were there, everyone's conversations suddenly came to a halt and they appeared to be eavesdropping on ours. I have no idea why. Perhaps because we were half their age so they thought we might have something intriguing to say? We weren't talking loudly, but somehow our voices were overheard over everyong else in the bar.

At one point, we got into a funny conversation about fru-fru drinks. It began with margaritas and daquiris, but then turned to what you drink when you're 21 and don't know any better -- Boone's Farm, Smirnoff Ice, and Zima with the jolly rancher in the bottom! Apparently, TheGuy never tried it with the jolly rancher. The townie woman next to him butted in, saying, "You guys are making me thirsty for one of those drinks!" Um, yeah, anyway...

My favorite part of the bar was this framed, autographed picture of a snowmobiler with his shirt off. He looked like a fireman posing for one of those calendars, only there was a picture of him mid-air in a snowmobile below his chiseled stomach. It was ridiculous! So damn funny. If I'd had my camera, I definitely would've posted the pic for all to enjoy.

When we left the bar, TheGuy pointed out that there was a dog in the middle of the street. The dog got all excited when he saw us, quickening his pace. He was a mutt of some kind -- possibly chocolate lab and german shepherd?? I worry when I see dogs on their own like that. I can't help but think of their distraught owners. At least, I would be a wreck if my dog went missing. TheGuy tried to assure me the dog wasn't lost, but I guess we'll never know. When I went to pull out from my parking spot, I almost ran over the poor dog!! I knew it was so because I saw TheGuy get out of his car to warn me and then I saw the dog to the side. I felt terrible as I was leaving because the dog continued to follow my car for as long as he could. I am such a sucker when it comes to animals. :( Had the circumstances been different, I probably would have taken him home and posted "found dog" pictures around town.

A Case of the Drunk Hiccups

There is a guy. Sort of. Not really. I don't know. It's never been established. He's a friend of mine from college that I started hanging out with in March. God, has it been that long? At the time, I was still getting used to the fact I was single and my former live-in boyfriend had moved 8,000 miles away. TheGuy and I hooked up once in college, my freshmen year. Surprisingly never awkward, we always remained friends, chatting when we'd bump into one another on campus and crazy house parties.

We casually kept in touch over the past few years and after meeting a couple times for drinks, our status went from 'friends' to 'friends with benefits'. Thus it's been an ongoing thing from that point on. I've briefly mentioned him here and there, but strayed from identifying him since it's a slippery slope. In fact, I was certain things were over not too long ago. There was about a three-week span where we didn't see or speak to one another -- just a few cryptic texts and emails exchanged.

Nonetheless, things are ok. I think. So Friday night, TheGuy had been out celebrating with friends, arriving at my place with a good buzz. We watched an episode of The Office and for the second time, he asked if I'd make out with Pam (Jenna Fischer). He's got a huge thing for her.

TheGuy: If you had to make out with her, would you?

Me: If I had to? Like if there were a gun to my head?

TheGuy: Well, no. But would you make out with her?

Me: Probably not.

TheGuy: Are you sure?

The humorous part of the evening transpired as we were about to go to bed. I was in the bathroom washing my face when I heard him hiccup. Again. And again. And again.

Me: Haha, you have the drunk hiccups.

TheGuy: No I don't. I have the regular hiccups.

Me: You're drunk -- you have the drunk hiccups.

He'd never heard of the drunk hiccups. Have you ever tried to make out with someone with drunk (or regular) hiccups? He'd go to kiss me, hiccup, and I'd giggle like a schoolgirl. At one point, he hiccuped directly in my ear! It echoed. I burst into laughter. I can still hear it in my head. While it may have been frustrating and a major turn-off for others in my position, I found it hysterical and sort of cute in an odd way. I'm odd like that.

Hiccup cures we discussed:

1. Scare tactic
2. Drinking from the opposite side of glass
3. Spoonful of sugar
3. Holding one's breath
4. Spoonful of peanut butter

He didn't have to resort to any of the above, but here are more hiccup cures.