Ex BFF's

It's to be expected that men will come and go, but it's a different story with your female friendships, perhaps the most complex of all. Several years ago, two of my college friends and I were in for the shock of our lives when out of the blue, one of our close college friends, NoIdentity, emailed us making asinie accusations regarding our behavior toward her and her new man, ToolforBrains. Ironically, she never would have met ToolforBrains (now her tool-of-a-husband) if it hadn't been for us forcing their introduction at the bar. She wasn't interested when approached by Tool's friend, on his behalf, but we were drunk and chatty so we scurried over to the booth they occupied.

In her email, she claimed to take offense for everything under the sun -- covering everything from us secretly excluding her from the group to ignoring ToolforBrains, thus deeming us "immature high schools." She even went so far as to badger us for making fun of ToolforBrains' tapered jeans. Are you kidding me?!?! We would have ridiculed ANYONE for that fashion faux-pas. Seriously. It was 2004, not 1994. It's not like we were cruel enough to say anything to the guy's face.

She received three angry, defensive emails in return, only to never hear back from her. It wasn't until a year later when I made plans with a mutual friend, whom unbeknownst to me, invited NoIdentity to join us. It was awkward, yes, but at times throughout conversation, it was as if nothing ever happened. It was like seeing an old ex for the first time in a long time when you make it a point to block out all the bad memories. After that, we made amends in that we continued communication and hung out on occasion, but it was never really the same. Nor will it ever be.

When a relationship falls apart, drama is guaranteed to follow, but what about when the same happens to a friendship?? It never receives the same attention, but it's just as dramatic, if not moreso! I met NoIdentity my first week of college and we immediately clicked, spending nearly every waking moment together. The fact she was willing to just throw away her closest friendships and the manner in which she went about it, all for the sake of ToolforBrains, spoke volumes.

Miscellaneous Musings

I tried my best to make this coherent, but my stream-of-consciousness worked against me, not with me. Sorry for the jumbled ramblings!

No offense to my girl friends, but 9 times out of 10, I prefer hanging out with guys. The atmosphere is just so much more relaxed. In turn, I feel comfortable, there's little forced niceness on my part. It's not catty or judgmental under the surface. You don't hear, "Wow, I really like your shirt," while one is really thinking, "That's the ugliest article of clothing I've ever seen."

Just guys hanging out drinking beer; no walking on eggshells or beating around the bush. I like blunt. I like direct. And I especially like funny. All too often, women fear offending others', namely of the same sex, but guys don't have that problem. It's considered funny to ridicule one another. As an added bonus, when a guy talks, he says exactly what he means.

I'll be the first to admit I miss college and would give anything to go back and do it over again. This time, I'd savor every last second and every time I started to complain about papers or tests, I'd think about how much worse it could be -- wasting away in a cubicle at a mind-numbing job just so I can afford a roof over my head and food in my tummy.

Something I've begun to wonder lately is if it's only natural the 'marrieds' band together and the 'singles' band together. Of course there will always be merging of the two groups, but isn't it more fun for married couples to hang out with other married folk and singles to mingle with singles? As we age, I find it interesting that our status plays such an influential role on our friendships. Ultimately, you may drift apart or grow closer to your married friends based on your own social standing.

But I digress. Severely. Sincere apologies. Saturday night my friend picked me up and we met up with his friends at Brit's. It was refreshing to see familiar faces from the past. Hadn't seen any of them since college. It was nice to catch up, see how people have changed/haven't changed, and lest we forget, reminisce about the good ol' days. They provided many laughs -- good times. :)

This was supposed to be a post about Saturday, but too many elements got my head spinning!

p.s. The staff at Brit's threaten to "pull drinks" at bar close. God, how I would love to see this play out sometime!!

Mean Girls

Dating back to fifth grade slumber parties, I recall a period where my friends and I went through this beauty pageant phase. We'd take turns playing the host while everyone else would participate as beauty queen contestants. We never went so far to do a swimsuit competition, but we'd dress up, make fools of ourselves with silly talents and answer questions such as, "How would you make the world a better place?"

In the end, the host would be responsible for crowning a winner. At the time, we all laughed it off as no big deal, but the truth of the matter was, it was a big deal! How could you not feel disappointed when you weren't crowned the prettiest?

Our friend, Susan, was heavy-set with curly, strawberry-blonde hair, freckles and glasses. Her physical appearance made her the butt of all jokes. When we held these contests, the rest of us pitied her, really. We'd conspire behind her back when we felt as though it was "her turn" to win. I don't think she ever caught on, but she was at a clear disadvantage. Or at least, in our minds she was. We made awful wisecracks, not to her face, that reflected more than her appearance. We ridiculed her intelligence, her lame jokes and her wardrobe.

Susan went to a different school the following year, so the target simply moved to another friend. We greased her locker with vaseline, wrote her a love letter from a "secret admirer" and spent hours on the phone gossiping behind her back. We even came up with inside jokes she wasn't a part of with the sole purpose of excluding her.

Over the years, I find that not much has changed from my pageant days. Ever wonder why women go to the bathroom in groups? Womens' public restrooms serve as the breeding ground for all juicy gossip. Those bathroom walls know all!

I'm not naive. I know I've had my fair share of nasty things said about me behind my back. In fact, there are times I hesitate to leave a room full of girl friends for fear of what will be said when I depart. If paranoia sets in, you can always cup your ear to the door, as one of my college friends did, appalled when she heard, "What smells worse? 'Boy' or vanilla?" 'Boy' referring to the sleep smell of her boyfriend and vanilla being the scent of her body spray.

As I've said, I partake in this despicable behavior. If I'm going to hell, so be it. Yet I find myself asking why. I fail to come up with a good answer. Does it chalk up to insecurity, jealousy, validation? All of the above? I'm not proud of myself. On the contrary, it's shameful. And it bewilders me. Just trying to be honest and seek understanding. Why do women act in this manner?