Not Smart

Apparently in my world, when you want to break up with someone, you spend more time with them. That's logical, right? In my defense, I'm perfectly aware I'm a dumbass. Last night I went over to TheGuy's house and we went to the gym. I ran three miles on the treadmill while he walked -- he hurt his foot while trying to get the Christmas tree on the Christmas tree stand way back in December and the injury he suffered, possibly a fracture, still hasn't healed.

After time on the treadmill, I had this tight, nervous feeling in my stomach (similar to when I snooped through his email) as he led me to the weight area. I've mentioned before my severe intimidation when it comes to lifting weights.

The first thing he did was a squat with the bar rested on his shoulders. When it was my turn, I wimped out. The bar just seemed so heavy for my weak arms and I envisioned myself squatting down, not being able to get back up again, and tumbling over backwards. Whether my lack of muscle or lack of confidence is the real issue, I guess I'll never know 'til I try.

Then it was on to the bench press. I've attempted to bench the bar two or three times in my lifetime, with a success rate of zero. But last night I managed to do it -- 2 sets consisting of 5 reps each, with a pause in between. Never mind the fact my inability to hold the bar steady proved how much of a struggle it was. I kept stopping to ask TheGuy if people were laughing at me and he always said "no" but I don't know that I believe him.

Then we did some free weights. He grabbed the 10 lb. pound weights which I immediately exchanged for 5 lbs. I felt really silly standing before the full-length mirrors with my 5 lb weights while there were all these buff guys around me. That is why I would never do that kind of thing on my own. I guess that feeling of self-consciousness is something you just have to get over.

As for the situation, I know it's clearer than crystal, but I think maybe I am getting some sort of cheap thrill contemplating all the different ways it could play out...