Rambling Updates

It's been a year since my last post. Plenty has happened but I was extra busy at work this week so that really cuts into my blogging time. Also I never used to do much during the week but I suddenly developed a social life at some point. There's just been no time.

Where do I begin? Forgive me if this is an incredibly scatter-brained post. Things with TheGuy have been good. I think. But then again, I go back and forth. I don't know if it's him or if it's just my inability to be happy in a relationship. Being the eternal pessimist that I am, I find it extremely difficult to be happy and stay happy in a relationship. Last weekend I was certain TheGuy was going to break up with me, but then I realized it was just my extreme paranoia and me letting my neurotic tendencies get the best of me. When I'm with him, if he's not as attentive to me as I think he should be at that very moment, I'm convinced it's because he's thinking of breaking it off with me or that he's thinking about another girl or something equally terrible. I don't know why I'm like this but I am. And it takes a very very very long time for me to finally be comfortable in a relationship to the point where I no longer have these pangs of anxiety.

And then there's me. Some of the time I'm not even sure that it's right. Is it all that it could be? Probably not. Could I find someone better suited for me? Certainly. And then when I'm consumed by these thoughts, I contemplate the strength of our relationship. March 10th is the anniversary of the first time we hooked up. Well, technically the second time if you count that one time back in college. But it's been a year and I feel like we've made such little progress. I know of couples who have been together less than a year and found themselves married and pregnant by now. Not that I wish that were me, but you know what I'm saying. I know I said I didn't particularly want a serious relationship before, but as time goes on, I can't help but think of the future and the long-term potential for our relationship. Honestly I can't picture it. So if there's no long-term potential, what's the point of dating? It would just mean that I may be missing out on meeting other prospective men in the meantime.

Yeah, I am rambling. And so it continues.

So Valentine's Day. I never confessed my hatred for the Hallmark holiday which I still feel slightly guilty about but it proved to be a good test of his feelings for me. I have to admit he was kind of cute about it. If I were into that sort of thing, that is. He took me to a place called Broder's. They weren't taking reservations for Valentine's Day but you could call an hour ahead and get put on a waiting list. So we called around 7 but they said we could possibly be seated an hour and a half from then. We decided to just go to the deli part instead. Originally he had suggested getting food to-go from the deli and taking it back to my place for "a picnic." Just the sound of that made me want to throw up a little in my mouth so I was pleased when he asked if I just wanted to eat there once we arrived. It was really good. Of course I am biased because Italian food is my absolute favorite. But I had this spinach lasagna meal that came with salad and bread as well. And of course I had no problem polishing off every last bite. Afterwards we went back to my place and watched Love Actually. I know, kind of sickening. But he'd never seen it before and it's pretty much the best Valentine's Day movie I own. I am not a big fan of the chick flicks but that is one I actually like. How can you not like it?

He also brought a bottle of wine and a gift bag full of candy (no chocolate though cause he knows I don't care much for it) and a card with a Victoria's Secret gift card in it. He said he went to the store with the full intention of buying me something but that only lasted several minutes before he gave up and went for the gift card. Probably a wise choice. I am rather picky and possibly would have felt bad too bad to return something he bought me.

I don't know whether women are supposed to buy men gifts but I didn't. Finding a decent card was bad enough. It's not like I could get him one expressing my love and adoration. Buying cards is a diffult thing for me. For one, I feel as though I could write something better. Sometimes I consider writing my own cards. Anyway I found the most generic Happy Valentine's Day card from me and I got him a super dorky Barack Obama card from Marley since he's big into politics and I couldn't resist. Even writing "Love, WTP" in the card was a struggle. I know me and I know I'm not anywhere near the love stage. Good news is that I'm pretty sure he's not either. But sometimes I find it frustrating that we're not close to that point. At the rate we're going, I feel like I probably wouldn't be at that stage until summer at least, assuming we're still dating then. I don't know. It's definitely been an interesting journey.

Something I meant to blog about a while back was that I met this older black guy at the grand opening party for r. Norman's/Seven. I was there with GC and her friend when he came up and introduced himself to me. I wasn't all that attracted to him but his confidence was sort of alluring. Although he did admit to being nervous about approaching me and asked if I'd noticed him checking me out earlier in the evening. I hadn't. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. Do I? I guess maybe I do but I don't know if I thought that at the time. He asked if he could take me to get a drink the following day for happy hour and I said yes. Why? I don't even know. I had no intention of going out with him, but it had been a long time since a guy had asked for my number. And this guy was definitely classier than any guy I've ever hung out with so I think I was flattered even though I wasn't interested. He asked when the best time to call was so I said after 5.

I bumped into him again as I was leaving and he asked if I done valet. I said no. Then he asked if I needed a ride to my car to which I said no again and scurried across the street to get away before he insisted on giving me a ride. As it turned out, I probably shouldn't have turned down his offer because I couldn't find my car! I'd parked at a meter a few blocks away and got all turned around so I was roaming the streets in the bitter cold in search of my stupid car. It wasn't until I hit the panic button on my car that I realized it was just kitty-corner to me. I don't know how I managed to walk by it several times. Apparently these things happen when you have a buzz.

Sure enough, the next day I received a call from a number my phone didn't recognize at 5:17 sharp. I let it go to voicemail, he left a message, and I deleted it. No call back. The night before, right after he'd asked for my number, GC's friend had said, "That guy is SO going to call you." And she was right. So the following weekend I was out with GC and the girls when I saw that guy at our usual bar. I immediately felt really bad. He came up to me too. He said, "I knew you weren't going to approach me." Then he talked about how hard it is to ask a girl for her number and pointed out that he'd actually called me and there'd been no call back. He said, "You must have a boyfriend." So this time I said yes. I did think it was kind of cocky of him to assume there was another guy in the picture. Because even if there wasn't, I still wouldn't have gone out with someone so forward like that. I could never deal with someone like that.

Anyway, I've got more stories in store but I am heading out for the night. Sorry if there are typos or if things don't make sense. I wrote this really quick and don't have time to go back and proofread like I normally do.