Sexy Little Nothings

Yesterday I rifled through the drawers at Victoria's Secret in an attempt to find something "normal." A sales associate came by to ask if I needed any help and then apologized for the overflowing merchandise, blaming the inconvenience on their Christmas stock.

I don't get it. Why would I spend $14 on red and green underwear that says "ho ho ho" to wear one month out of the year? Even on a hot day in July when I was 99% certain no one would see my underwear but me, I'd feel ridiculuous.

I was disappointed when I found an adorable sea-foam green pair that looked more like a bikini bottom than underwear, but it said "bride-to-be" across the booty. There was also a cute pink and black polka-dot pair that read "sexy little thing" on the front. Why? Is that really necessary? Do women find the words validating? Is that why people buy this stuff?

When did I become a prude for turning my nose at bras adorned with sparkles, rhinestones, and lined with leopard-print interior?? Is this the kind of thing that gives women the confidence to bring out their inner sex kitten? Or is it simply a turn-on distraction for men? After all, it's safe to say men are easily distracted.

It's not like I'm all about the cotton briefs. In fact, I did manage to find a non-trashy lace bra and underwear (I refuse to say 'panties') sans writing, but I scoffed at most of the intimate apparel. I found it (a) tacky (b) heinous (c) whore-ish. Maybe it's just another sign I'm getting old.