Bring Your Dancing Shoes

Last night I met up with a guy friend of mine and a few of his co-workers. In a quick phone conversation prior to meeting up, he said, "I'm here with three HOT guys." He then proceeded to hand the phone off to one of the three HOT guys, who wanted to make sure I knew how to get where they were going and told me to bring my "dancing shoes." Yes, that's right, your eyes are not deceiving you: dancing shoes. Luckily, there was no bringing of the dancing shoes since we ended up on the rooftop patio at The Drink. Did I fail to mention the long ass line you must wait in just to stand on the patio (seating is limited)? At least my friend came up with a no-fail excuse for the bouncer: tell him you forgot to close out your tab -- works like a charm.

So the HOT friends were not-so-hot. They weren't ugly by any means, but nothing to write home about. DancingShoesGuy was the cuter of the two single guys, but what turned me off was his outfit. He tried too hard with his white track jacket (which would've looked good on its own) and matching trendy shorts and hat. There was way too much thought process involved in the planning of his wardrobe -- perhaps he was compensating for something??

I saw many attractive females last night so I don't know how it happened (maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt and call it a serious case of beer goggles) that DancingShoesGuy and his wingman spent the entire night talking to the nastiest women there. I swear, if you took away these ladies' make-up, styled hair, and cleavage-baring dresses, they'd look like ogres. They were tall, busty, and big-haired with the make-up of a tranny. No lie. They looked old too, upper 20s (guys were 23 & 25), maybe that explains the need for excess make-up. The irony is that these women claimed to work for Chanel and were not shy about dropping that bit of info. Perhaps Chanel recently came out with a drag queen line.

The third co-worker was celebrating his last day at work as he plans to move on to bigger and better things. He was dorky with side-swept hair, tapered jeans, and tennis shoes -- the kind you'd wear to the gym. To attest to his nerdiness, he has a Beagle named Chewbacca and on his first date with his wife, she asked if he liked Star Wars. Fortunately for her, it was a match made in geek heaven, as she later told him it would've been a dealbreaker had he said "no." He was friendly and nice, however, and I'm glad he was there 'cause I enjoyed talking to him.

StarWarsGuy told my friend he thought I was cool for the sole reason I could pick out a skank a mile away. We spent most of the time mocking the single guys' lame attempt to hook up with the Chanel Ogres while they mooched drinks and bummed cigarette-after-cigarette from said clueless men. The best quote of the night was from a married college friend of my friend who said (after a girl in a V-neck pushed her way past him): "I just got moved by a breast. I was already having a good night, but that was the icing on the cake." Glad to see he got some married guy action. The two marrieds also spoke of their wedding bands being a chick magnet -- another reason to delay marriage?!?

I didn't stay out long and gave StarWarsGuy a ride back to his car since it was on my way home. We continued talking about the pathetic pick-up scene we'd just witnessed and he couldn't get over the fact his buddy (the wingman) had no idea that one of the Ogres clearly had zero interest judging by her body language. StarWarsGuy has been married four years, so in that time, he's learned a great deal about women and the way they think. He said if he'd known what he knows now, he'd have gotten a lot more women back in his single days. Miscommunication between men and women is palpable -- while women overanalyze every word that comes out of a man's mouth, guys are totally oblivious. They say things and sometimes, as hard as it is to believe, it means absolutely nothing. In terms of mood, StarWarsGuy said guys are one of three things: 1.) Hungry 2.) Sleepy 3.) Horny

3 very enlightening words.