Wanted: Part-Time Boyfriend

Your job duties will include the following:

* Accompany me on errands with sole purpose of carrying heavy or bulky items
* Reach miscellaneous household items in high places
* Remove tightly sealed caps and assist with all household chores that require upper body strength, or just plain strength for that matter
* Answer all my tech-related questions and responsible for proper functioning of all home electronics

Please send resume, cover letter (free of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors) and photo by 12/12/1212.