Big News

I got a new job!! Tomorrow morning I inform my bosses I'm leaving. Couldn't be any more thrilled about imagining the moment I walk out of those doors forever!

What Corporate Values?

Make it stop! In case you're not a mind-reader, I'm referring to the pounding in my head. I've got a slight headache this morning. That's what happens when GC and I polish off a bottle of cheap wine last night at The Loop. Not only am I far from being an avid wine drinker (I feel like I get drunk off it more quickly), but I almost never go out on a school night!

Two of her guy friends met up with us and we toasted to a mutual hatred for our jobs and corporate America. It's always a pleasure to meet others who despise their job as much as I do.

I almost went home and drunk blogged last night, but thought better of it. It hasn't happened yet, but fear not, I'm sure a future blog with numerous typos and absurd thoughtlessness is in store. I know I've got one in me somewhere, relishing the thought of sweet release.

Career Motivation

In a very uncharacteristic move on my part, I asked for a raise yesterday. Shall I reap any benefits as a result? No clue. It was my second request and I've threatened to leave so many times, my company knows I'm full of empty threats. They don't take me seriously and why should they? By now, they've come to realize I'm seemingly content to stay at a lousy, dead-end job they could train a monkey to do. Mind you, I did ask a new boss (one of four) who genuinely respects and cares about his subordinates so here's to keeping my fingers crossed!

Last week, I chatted with a friend online regarding my work dilemma. He suggested setting a goal of finding a new job by Labor Day, which got me to thinking about the role motivation plays in life's decisions.

Friend: it's not like you're going from great job ---> great job
how would you describe your job?
ok?
terrible?
good?
awesome?

Me: depends, off-hand i'd say terrible because it's not challenging
but some days i enjoy not having to work, no pressure etc

Friend: sooooooo ur just lazy?
: P

Me: part of it
if i'm going to work hard, i'd at least like to do something meaningful though and corporate life will never fulfill that
or at least get paid tons of money in exchange for hard work

A new job by Labor Day sounds feasible. But here's what it comes down to: I don't care. Personally, I wouldn't get anything more out of another job unless it involved writing or working with animals. Granted, I'd love to make more money. Who wouldn't? But if I made more money, what would I do with it? If I were smart, save or invest; I'm realistic: I'd just spend more. However, over the last year, I've had my sights set on purchasing a condo or loft, preferably in the downtown area. For the meantime, my motivation stems from that aspiration. That's not to say I won't later cop out from the huge commitment attached to owning property.

On the flip side, for as much as I complain, you may be surprised to learn I don't always find my job that bad. For one, if it weren't for my boring job, my blog may not exist. If anything, I'd probably only post half of what I do now. In that respect, I am grateful for my dull, mind-numbing job. That, and all the Deborah material.

Here's the part where we're all reminded of Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston) in Office Space.

Peter Gibbons: The thing is Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

Bob Porter: Don't...don't care?

Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's something else Bob, I have eight different bosses right now.

Bob Porter: Eight?

Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Beyond the Breaking Point

So this is a really lazy, boring post about one of my co-workers, Deborah. She makes every day a living hell. She is a very nice person, but she annoys me to no end. I entered her name in the search field of my sent messages and found all these excerpts where I felt the need to vent about her to friends. Be prepared for plenty more posts regarding her, this is only the half of it.

6/20/06

I am terribly annoyed by Deborah from work. It is killing me! She wants me to feel sorry for her because she doesn't have any friends so she wants to hang out with me all the time and she calls me a lot to tell me the most pointless stories, while I'm sitting there thinking, "couldn't you have waited to tell me this tomorrow at work?" Sometimes after work we go out to eat but she only likes two restaurants around here, Bakers Square and Perkins, so we always go there and it's all elderly people at both! She talks about the same old stuff every single day. Complains about the burnt pizza in the cafeteria, complains about our co-workers incorrectly setting up accounts, complains about her weight as she devours an entire box of Zebracakes in one sitting!! It is driving me insane. On the other hand, she is really nice, but I can only handle so much of a person before I reach my breaking point! Oh, and I almost forgot how I have to help her every time she needs to send or write an email because she's dyslexic and computer illiterate. I didn't mind in the beginning but it's not like she remembers or retains any of the instructions I give her. How hard is it to send an attachment????? Ugh, she has jumped to my number one motivation for finding a new job.

Ok, sorry for that rant. I feel a little better now. I don't know what to do because I do feel bad, but can't she understand that I need my space and I don't like to discuss the same meaningless topic for weeks on end??? I can't take it much longer!

Oh god, she just called me over there so she could look up the Wal-mart ad online because she doesn't even know how to look it up on her own! Going insane..... She talks non-stop!

7/11/06

Deborah cleaned out 3 vending machines of cookies so she had to go to the 4th floor to buy more cookies.

8/30/06

We're getting a new girl at work. The last woman they hired was a smoker who hacked up a lung every 10 minutes and she never bathed so the smell of smoke was embedded in her clothes. She also was missing teeth. My boss said the new girl is younger so maybe she'll be cool. I have to train her because nobody else wants to. That sucks. Deborah has been calling me every half hour to tell me the most pointless stories in history.

8/30/06

Friend's response:

hahaha

I really want to meet Deborah. I need a face to put with all your funny stories about her!

9/14/06

...Deborah and another guy have the day off today (what a relief).

11/01/06

Deborah is driving me insane yet again. She wants me to hang out with her after work, which means going to Bakers Square because she wants pie. I keep making up excuses and I feel bad but seriously I don't want to. It's bad enough having to listen to her bitch about the same insignificant shit over and over again during the work day, but what a waste of my spare time.

1/2/07

I've been here for about an hour and it sucks big time already. Really if it weren't for Deborah, it wouldn't be nearly as bad. She is calling me over to her cube every 15 minutes to help her with some idiotic task. It's like having my mom at work, it really is. Talk about technologically challenged. Seriously though, you would think that if you worked on a computer every day things would begin to click, like how to search the internet, or send an email attachment, or how to use Microsoft Word!! But no... On top of that, I have to proofread every email she sends because her spelling and grammar is at a 3rd grade level. I want to punch the wall every time I hear her say, "mines" or "hurted" or "says" when it should be "said" or "Targets" or "don't" when it should be "doesn't" etc. Wtf??? It's bad enough when I see it written, but to hear someone say it day in, day out drives me over the edge!

Now she was just trying to convince me to go to lunch with her and she wants to pay for me cause I said I wasn't spending money 'til I got my paycheck. Oh, and she calls me "Little One" which annoys me too. I cringe every time I hear it. It reminds me of a horrendous nickname your family comes up with when you're too young to know any better.

Last week I went to lunch with J. and that was annoying too - he kept picking his nose and picking at zits on his neck. Seriously, what is wrong with these people???

4/11/07

Work is awful, I want to die. At least Deborah is gone so I have a break from her, which makes it more bearable.

4/23/07

I am already depressed at work after hearing a 30-minute story about how Deborah can't find her way to the Mall of America. She has serious issues. Someone, shoot me!!

4/23/07

I've now heard Deborah's story of how she got lost going to the MOA 4 times -- as she's told co-workers and friends over the phone!!!!!!!!


Ha, are you still reading?? If you are, perhaps you should take up a new hobby like cross-stitching!

Job Dissatisfaction

After two and a half years at this company, my boss, whom I've said a total of 20 words to, messaged me out of the blue to ask if I wanted to get a cup of coffee and discuss my job. Wow, that is pathetic on his part. Don't get me wrong, this is one of the things I actually like about my company. Not having to deal with bullshit performance reviews and pretending to care about my work. Funny thing is he actually mentioned doing this same thing around Christmas when he delivered my bonus, but never heard from him when it came time to set up a meeting.

A date is scheduled on my calendar for later this week so it should be interesting, seeing as how I'm way beyond faking satisfaction with my job. I refuse to muster enough energy to hide my discontent. It's likely that in response, I'll hear a trail of lies regarding "potential opportunities" he'll look into which means absolutely nothing. I guarantee I won't hear back from him. That's how things work at my company.

Who Says Nothing in Life is Free? Work at Google!

Google Perks (yes, all free of charge)

Wi-Fi enabled coaches
Google shuttle bus
Motorized scooters for campus
$5,000 toward a Hybrid car
Car wash and oil changes
Gourmet meals
Haircut
$2,000 referral bonus
$500 in take-out food for new mothers/fathers
Workout room with weights & rowing machines
Massage room
Pool
Study Mandarin, Japanese, French, and Spanish
Laundry onsite (and they provide detergent)
Drop off dry cleaning
Child care
Take your dog to work